You can leave the drugs and the alcohol at home, I'm fine with HGTV!

I don't know what draws me away from that crowd. I don't know what keeps my feet firmly planted in place. I don't know how I feel I can live my life the way I do, at my age. But, I do. And I openly enjoy it.

I enjoy waking up early on weekends, and working out in the morning. I enjoy cleaning my house all day and watching HGTV. I enjoy looking up recipes on foodnetwork.com and figuring out healthy choices for dinner. I love taking my dog for walks and going on hikes. I love hanging out with a few close friends and doing active things, or just lounging on the couch and watching T.V.

But, I feel, like I should be drawn away from the things that I love. I feel like people don't understand. And I feel like people hate me for it.

I do not like the "party scene" of my "college kid" age. I do not like to drink every weekend and blow my guts out the next morning. You can leave the drugs and alcohol at home, I'm fine with HGTV.

Don't get me wrong, there is a small thrill in the hallucinate stage of drunk stupidity, but it only lasts for moments until the cold reality sets in. I remember in high school when I first started the "party scene" I would cry myself to sleep every time I would get drunk. I just felt so bad. I was disappointed in myself for my stupid actions. I hated the way I felt, and I always regretted it. I would always hide my tears. I would hide them away, so my pears wouldn't find me foolish for not enjoying the life as much as they did.

I would hide away my tears, and have them remember how stupid I was. All I ever get is a double edged sword. On one end it's people asking me "Why don't/didn't you come to the party? You never party." and on the other end it's people saying, "Oh my goodness, It's drunk Amber again, she is so annoying." Either way, I am in the fault. I am a bad person for not wanting to drink every weekend, and I am a bad person for getting drunk and crazy. What do you want from me?

Well, I'm done with the question, "What do you want from me?" I think the real question is, "What do I want from Me?" I need to stop thinking about what others think about me, and just be true to myself.

I am not the girl who likes to party every weekend. I will probably never go out on a work night to drink. And I do not find it appropriate to (for myself) to come to work drunk.

This is absolutely not a "shout out" to anyone who does this. Because virtually everyone my age drinks several times a week, and there really is not much wrong with this. It is typical behavior for kids my age. All I am saying, is it is not my cup of tea. I am not a typical kid my age, but I think we have all already known this.

I am also not trying to say that I will never get plastered again, because we all know I will. I enjoy going out dancing. I enjoy having just enough to drink to make me feel good. I do enjoy all that. Just not all the time. Four times a year maybe?

I always knew that once I turned 21 it would take all the fun out of drinking, but I never knew I would feel this animate about it.