My pity party

Disclaimer: The following is my big pity party. If you don't want to hear me feel sorry for myself, then don't read further.

Lately I feel like there really aren't a lot of people that like me, or actually enjoy being around me. It never used to bother me; but, it really is starting to hit a nerve.

I have--for some reason--developed this "Super Hard Core Mega Bitch" persona. Everyone just thinks I am going to be a big bitch to them, or very rude. Yes, I do tend to always speak my mind, but I never really have realized how bitchy it could sound. By speaking my mind, I have never found it to be bitchy--because everyone else in my family speaks the same way--but to the outside world, I guess I am a bitch?

I think the thing that bothers me the most, is rather then people bringing it up to my face, they would rather talk behind my back. No one actually will tell me how they feel to their face. If they just got to know me a little better, they would know, that I am a very reasonable person. I am actually a very nice, respectful girl. I do care, and if you just brought it to my attention, I would stop.

I may seem like I don't care, but I honestly do.

I have a great inner circle of friends, don't get me wrong. I have a great inner circle, that really know who I am, and how I am. But the huge outer circle, I always feel will be there...because they want too. It's easier to just assume I am a bitch, and not get to know the real me. It's easier to just talk about me behind my back. But, it's not the mature thing to do.

I feel like I am just growing up faster then everyone else? I can look past how people were in high school, and see the real adult person. But, I guess I will just wait here for everyone else to grow up?

I guess I will just wait here, sober. While everyone can go get drunk with their youth. I'll still be waiting here when you all grow up, and meet me where I am.

I am ready to grow up, and see the real me. I wish everyone else could see the real me too? And, for that matter, I wish I could see the real you.