For some reasone today my mind has began to wonder. Subject not paticularly tied to one person or the other. And, most, not tied to anyone. Just random thoughts about no one impaticular. Its inevetable that everyone is going to disapoint you at one time or the other. Your parents, close friends, even perfect strangers. But the closer you are to them the bigger the disapointment is.
No anger resides in most disapointment-- anger is an entirly different subject. Yet, anger is a feeling that is easier to get rid of, and easier to opplogize for. I don't know if most disapointment goes away, because disapointment is tied with trust and trust is a bond that once is broken it can never be fully put back together.I realized earlier that I have lived part of my life surcumming to peer presure. I have done things I wouldn't have done otherwise. No, I do not regret any actions. But I never relized before today, that they were not intirely my own. But yes, I do take full resposiblity. Something you do because of peer presure is still your fault after all.
Being a whore has nothing to do with the kissing and such, but rather the situation you do it in.
If I am forced to choose one friend over the other--the answer is no. I will not choose. I am allowed to be friends with whomever I would like, and there will be no one that will tell me who I will or will not be friends with. No matter what they have done in the past. That is another thing that goes along with trust. You have to trust your friends no matter what--or else what are they good for?
High-School drama does not end in high school. It only ends when you leave the people that make the drama.
Sunday, May 13, 2007
Monday, March 26, 2007
The Curse of Traveling
Looking out the window in the passengers seat--watching the scenery change time and time again--my mind turns in circles. Thinking about everthing there is in my mind, over and over again. Music blaring and my mind racing: The curse of traveling. So many odd thoughts going through my mind, that its hard to explain them all in one relevant and coherent writing. From love to religion, from growing-up to "I wonder what song comes next?" A road trip is probably the best way to clear your mind--I have never been so clear in my life I feel then I am after a road trip.
I started with thinking about a story my great-grandmother told me about a year ago. She had never told anyone else about this--not her daughter and not her grandaugter (my grandmother and mother). I wasn't sure why at the time, I just listened closely as she told me about her youth. She told me about when she was a child, she loved theater, and she loved art (my family never knew she was in drama!). Her and her best friend loved to perform, and they both wanted to be actress's when they grew up. Then my grandmother fell in love. At 17 she was married and a year later she had a child. Her friend went off to school and started her acting career, as my grandma fell behind. Several years later her friend was nominated for 2 golden globes--Mitzy Gaynor (look her up if you don't know who she is!) My grandma then began to tell me to go for your dreams first. She told me that I am a lot like her, and if I want to be an actress....go for it. Don't get married and settled so young. I will regret it. I just smiled and nodded at the time. But now I completly understand what she meant., and I understand why she told me of all people her story--she doesn't want me to make the same mistake.
She was young and in love, but not sensible. Instead of going for her dreams, she got married. Shes been married for over 60 years now, but only 10 happy years. As her friend went off and lived "her" life. Yes, I am young, and yes I am in love. But there is no way I will ever get married as young as my great-grandmother. I hold her advice higher then almost anyones. I belive it is possible to be young and in love, and follow your dreams. Love is the best feeling in the world, but knowing you made the right desicions in your life is just as gratifing. With my grandmothers story still in my head, we traveled on. I couldn't help but smile the whole trip: knowing I had figured out what my grandmother wanted me to know. Road trips are good for clearing your mind, and setting your soul free to dream.
I started with thinking about a story my great-grandmother told me about a year ago. She had never told anyone else about this--not her daughter and not her grandaugter (my grandmother and mother). I wasn't sure why at the time, I just listened closely as she told me about her youth. She told me about when she was a child, she loved theater, and she loved art (my family never knew she was in drama!). Her and her best friend loved to perform, and they both wanted to be actress's when they grew up. Then my grandmother fell in love. At 17 she was married and a year later she had a child. Her friend went off to school and started her acting career, as my grandma fell behind. Several years later her friend was nominated for 2 golden globes--Mitzy Gaynor (look her up if you don't know who she is!) My grandma then began to tell me to go for your dreams first. She told me that I am a lot like her, and if I want to be an actress....go for it. Don't get married and settled so young. I will regret it. I just smiled and nodded at the time. But now I completly understand what she meant., and I understand why she told me of all people her story--she doesn't want me to make the same mistake.
She was young and in love, but not sensible. Instead of going for her dreams, she got married. Shes been married for over 60 years now, but only 10 happy years. As her friend went off and lived "her" life. Yes, I am young, and yes I am in love. But there is no way I will ever get married as young as my great-grandmother. I hold her advice higher then almost anyones. I belive it is possible to be young and in love, and follow your dreams. Love is the best feeling in the world, but knowing you made the right desicions in your life is just as gratifing. With my grandmothers story still in my head, we traveled on. I couldn't help but smile the whole trip: knowing I had figured out what my grandmother wanted me to know. Road trips are good for clearing your mind, and setting your soul free to dream.
Monday, February 5, 2007
I hate to start out blogs with some vague fact that isn't relevant to everyone. Some statement like, "There are times in your life..." blah blah blah. But I can't figure out a better way to start writing sometimes rather then using an irrelevant fact.
Some facts are true, but only to yourself. My fact of the day: There are times in your life when the clouds part, and the sun shines, and everything just seems to be going wonderful. Everything in my life right now seems to be going just absolutely perfect: life is groovy. The weird thing though is that “perfect” in reality isn’t so perfect, but it feels perfect. Is that confusing?
The truth. I am majoring in a degree I don’t know I want, I don’t have a job, and I have no idea where my future is going. But, suddenly I am excited to find out where it is all going to go. I think my real future isn’t finding the end result, but venturing on the path it takes me. Yes, most of the time I am still completely terrified to grow up--still afraid that I am going to make the wrong choices--but I am also completely excited to find out.
How can you not be excited to live when your life is so great?And how can life not seem so perfect, when such a perfect person is in it? A person who every time he sees me says things like, “Its so great to see you” (when its only been a few hours) “Your so beautiful” (when I have my P.J’s on) and “Why am I so lucky?” (when really I am the lucky one). How can life not seem so perfect when I know that somewhere I am wanted and needed by someone?
There are days when I still feel low--like the clouds are never going to part--but I think those days are normal. And luckily, those days are becoming less and less, and slowly but surely, the weather seems to be all blue sunny skies.
Some facts are true, but only to yourself. My fact of the day: There are times in your life when the clouds part, and the sun shines, and everything just seems to be going wonderful. Everything in my life right now seems to be going just absolutely perfect: life is groovy. The weird thing though is that “perfect” in reality isn’t so perfect, but it feels perfect. Is that confusing?
The truth. I am majoring in a degree I don’t know I want, I don’t have a job, and I have no idea where my future is going. But, suddenly I am excited to find out where it is all going to go. I think my real future isn’t finding the end result, but venturing on the path it takes me. Yes, most of the time I am still completely terrified to grow up--still afraid that I am going to make the wrong choices--but I am also completely excited to find out.
How can you not be excited to live when your life is so great?And how can life not seem so perfect, when such a perfect person is in it? A person who every time he sees me says things like, “Its so great to see you” (when its only been a few hours) “Your so beautiful” (when I have my P.J’s on) and “Why am I so lucky?” (when really I am the lucky one). How can life not seem so perfect when I know that somewhere I am wanted and needed by someone?
There are days when I still feel low--like the clouds are never going to part--but I think those days are normal. And luckily, those days are becoming less and less, and slowly but surely, the weather seems to be all blue sunny skies.
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