I Hate Everyone

Yes, It is true. I basically hate everyone. Don't worry, you don't have to call the suicide hotline or anything, I just wanted to put the blatant fact out there: I Hate Everyone. There are very few people that don't annoy the crap out of me, and even those few tick me off at times.

Lately though, my patience has been dwindling so even my closets of friends are starting to drive me just utterly batty! And no, it is not that "time of the month". At first I thought that myself, but that time has come and gone, and these feelings are still there.

People don't just annoy me the typical amount, they drive me nuts. Full blown through me in a straight jacket nuts. Everyone. And, I have no idea why this bothers me so much. Perhaps it's because I love people to much?

Okay, so now this is a major contradiction I know. But come to think of it, the thing that drives me most nuts about people is the fact that I love people so much that it drives me nuts when they are making STUPID choices. I hate it when people do stupid things that are going to ruin their lives, and I hate it even more when people do stupid things the ruin my life. Or, make my life just a little bit more difficult.

I really don't know why I feel so strongly about how annoying people are, I just do. And it keeps getting worse. My care (or lack there of) is decreasing more and more daily, and soon I can see myself as an old lonely hermit...and frankly...that's probably the best situation for me.

Some people are just born to be hermits.

Dream: Blood Loss

I tend to have very vivid/passionate dreams. I dream in color, I dream in life. Everything always seems real, and sometimes feels more like a premonition rather then a dream. I dreamt that my brother was going to get into an accident before it happened. I dreamt that if my family moved out to Acme, something bad would happen, and it did. My dreams are vivid interpretations of life.

I have been having previous recurring dreams of pregnancy, and birthing. I've deduced these dreams to be in regards that I was in need of a big change, but someone was stopping me (hence the reason someone would always stop be from birthing the child). I am now in the middle of a giant change--switching careers--so these dreams have stopped.


My dream last night was nothing to do with pregnancy, or a big change. It was simple, straight to the point, but I don't remember most of it. The most vivid thing I remember was the blood. For some reason "they" needed a blood sample from me. I trusted "them" and I let them. I knew who "they" were in my dream, but in life, I do not recognize any individual. All I remember was them in white lab coats. I let "them" take the blood sample, but instead of the typical poke-a-needle-in-your-finger thing they usually do, they put an I.V. in me and starting having it flow into a bag (like I was donating blood). A few moments later I told them that I think that was enough--as the bag was overflowing--but "they" just replaced bags and ignored my response. As I was 'donating' blood, they still made me work. My work was searching for a small child. I new what the child looked like in my mind in my dream, but, I can not recognize it in reality. I was searching for the small child through an old grungy building: walls were falling down, there were holes where there used to be windows, but no glass, and cobwebs and darkness was everywhere. I knew this was Ferndale High School in my dream, but it did not look like Ferndale High School in my reality. I was carrying my I.V. through the school as I passed all my old classmates that didn't seem to notice or care, and no one knew where the small baby was. "They" kept replacing the bag as I drained more blood, and I kept getting more and more weak.

I never found the baby, and they never stopped having me drain blood. I never died, and just kept getting weaker. I just walked through my old high school, endlessly, draining blood, and getting weaker and weaker.

This dream was very vivid. I could see the red of the blood. I could see the blood moving through my veins under my skin. I remember being able to feel my heart begin to pump slower. And I could feel myself slowly start to die.

It was a morbid, intense dream, that I do not intend to have again. After all: I should only have to feel myself die once.

I need to figure out what this dream means, so it will not return. I can only guess that losing my blood would be something sucking the life out of me, but I don't know who "they" could be? And why was I searching for a small child? Could my old high school have something to do with everything?

Dreams

What Blogger's call a MEME

Through all the bordem of my last several days, I've been frantically browsing blogs for some sort of random entertainment. My ussual "research" has gone down the wayside, and I have started to get more entertained with the random blogs you can find on the internet. Now, don't worry guys, I will still do my "research" from time to time, and let you know the absolute most random facts in the world that you can find from typing "butt" into google, but for now, blogs are my thing.


One thing I have found is that the random surveys that we youngin's used to do on Xanga, Myspace and now the ever-popular, ever-sick, Facebook, are called "MEME's" on Blogs? I'm confused? What does that stand for, and am I using it in the right context. I'm not sure. I'm still not used to this blog thing.


Is there a blogging 101?


Anyways, I've decided to complete one of these so called "MEME's" to see if they are fun. I want to get into this professional blogging thing.


So here goes:

Four people I hope are eaten by a rabid pack of Velociraptors – a type of dinosaur that should not to be confused with chiropractors unless they also happen to have cannibalistic tendencies:

1. Paula Abdul! She knows what she has done
2. That girl with the HUGE TEETH on dancing with the stars! She absolutly drives me nuts. If there was a teeth shortening service, she should be first in line!
3. People that pronounce things correctly, rather then what is convenionly correct. Example: Pronouncing "Culinary" "COOOlinary"....We all know the correct way to say that word, but no one really cares, and you are definatly not better then us.
4. Anyone that is anerixicly skinny, although, you probably don't have enough meat for the velociraptors to eat anyways....oooo...burn!

Four drinks I love:

1. Anything tastes better when you make it Irish! The Irish really know what's going on.
2. Wine
3. Diet Coke
4. Anything I can blow bubbles into

Four favourite quotes:

1. "What came first, the music or the misery? People worry about kids playing with guns, or watching violent videos, that some sort of culture of violence will take them over. Nobody worries about kids listening to thousands, literally thousands of songs about heartbreak, rejection, pain, misery and loss. Did I listen to pop music because I was miserable? Or was I miserable because I listened to pop music?" John Cusak, High Fidelity. You know, I've never actually seen the movie, but I probably should, it sounds pretty awsome!
2. Anything Dean Winchester says on Supernatural! Gosh, I could watch that show daily, and still laugh my ass off. Dean:You know what, there's a ton of lore on unicorns too. In fact, I hear that they ride on silver moonbeams, and that they shoot rainbows out of their ass!
3. "I'm sorry I farted in your purse"--Baby Mama, although, EVERY LINE from baby mama is absolutly amazing.
4. "Life is what happens when you are making other plans"--John Lennon, he's pretty amazing.

Five things to do before I die:

1. I would absolutly love to travel around the world. I want to visit every continet! Just once at least. Is that too much to ask from someone who wants to be a perfessional day-care teacher? HA
2. Buy a nice house, and have a wonderful garden! I have always wanted a "secret garden"
3. On the way home yesterday I was listening to a Meatloaf song, and wondered, "what wont he do for love?" So, perhaps, one day I would like to find the answer.
4. Never watch The Matrix, because it sucks! (I've only seen parts, and it sucks!)
5. You know, the whole, get married, have kids, and be financially stable and happy blah blah blah...pretty basic.

Five famous women I’d also like to do naughty things to:

1. Scarlet Johanson. She is so smoking!
2. Scarlet Johanson
3. Scarlet Johanson
4. Scarlet Johanson
5. Scarlet Johanson

yea....that's about it.

Okay...those MEME's aren't as fun as they seem. But it definatly kept me entertained for a while!

I Miss Food

I wish I could just eat whatever I wanted, and never gain weight! I miss all the yummy food I used to eat, and am currently trying to come up with healthy alternatives. Last night I really wanted pizza--my usual indulgence--so instead of going to Pizza Hut, I made my own. I took those new orowheat 100 calorie buns, toasted them and added a bit of no-salt added tomato sauce topped it with about a tablespoon of cheese, and 2 pepperonis. I then paired it with a side salad...and Bone Apatite! It was pretty delicious if I don't say so myself! I was pretty proud of myself for coming up with a healthy alternative to one of my favorite meals!

It's so difficult to come up with healthy alternatives, but in a way, I'm having a little fun trying to be creative! I know it will all be worth it in the end!

This book is really helping me:


Not Every thing in it I whole hearting agree with (is that true for any diet book?), but there is a great section about portions. Portions is something I needed a lot of help with. I have several pages papercliped, that way I can just turn to it, and get the exact portion of something I need so I can make my own recipes!





One thing that I knew in the back of my mind (but would never really admit it): sandwiches aren't the greatest thing for you. Sandwiches are my absolutely most favorite, kick me in the groin, most awesome food ever! I could have a sandwich every day, 3 meals a day, for the rest of my life and die with a giant smile on my face. But, that much bread really isn't great, especially when you are insulin resistant like me! The book suggests having open face sandwiches, but really, what is the point of that? So, I have found myself an alternative: the new Orowheat 100 calorie Whole Wheat sandwich Thins! :

They are absolutely amazing as a substitute for most things delicious!: buns for garden burgers, pizza crusts, and SANDWICHES! They are about the same as having one slice of bread, so perfect for the "open faced sandwich" suggestion, without actually having to eat your sandwich with a fork. I am in love with these baby's!

Me Time

I'm so grateful that next week I have several days off. What am I doing with the time off you ask?: absolutely nothing! And that is what I am thankful for. Since I have moved out to the barracks, I haven't had time to just be by myself--something I held so dearly before moving out. I used to sit alone for hours in my room, just drawing, cleaning, and organizing. I would sit for hours just writing and being myself. But, now that I live with 2 other people, I never have time to just sit and be me.

The problem is I actually enjoy living with who I am living with, so I always want to "hang out" with them. I never really am upset that I don't have "me time", but now that I know I'm going to have "me time" I couldn't be happier! I am now realizing how much I miss it.

Me Time is very important I feel. It's time that you take just to express what YOU want, what YOU feel, and no one can judge you except yourself. It's a wonderful time you can have just to think to yourself, and free your mind. I miss this dearly. Every night, after family time, I would go to my room and be by myself until 1 or 2 in the morning, because I just enjoyed hanging by myself too much to go to sleep. It was always my favorite part of the night. And now, I don't have that. I don't have that guaranteed several hours to be by myself, I actually have to schedule it out. I have to write it down on the calender: me time. It's just gotten a little more difficult--not impossible--but difficult.

I'm so excited for "me time". I couldn't be happier!

It's Official

"Amber Craig has elected to resign her position as a Flex Loan Officer/Teller effective Friday, October 9, 2009. Amber will be pursuing her passion for early childhood education." This Email was set to "All Staff" just moments ago.

It's official. I am no longer employed at WECU as of October 9th, 2009.

The feeling is melancholic. I am so used to WECU, it's going to be sad to leave. This is the longest job I have ever had, and for the most part I have enjoyed being here. I love the people, I love a lot of things, but it just isn't me.

Here is to a new beginning!

October is the Month of Change

I am finally able to reveal my exciting news to the "blogging world": I am now a Toddler Teacher at a small daycare in Bellingham! For the last few weeks I have been going through a series of interviews for the position, and this morning I found out the great news. I am going to start Friday October 16th! I couldn't be more happy. And yes, this is the "hopefull really big change" that I was talking about in an earlier blog! I'm glad it is no longer a "hopefull really big change" but rather an actual really big change!

It was very sad to tell my current employer that I am leaving, but my boss was so happy for me! He was so happy, that it made my resignation a little more difficult, but I know it is ultimatly for the best. Banking is not my industry, childcare is.

I am so excited to start heading in the right direction rather then just heading forward! This is one more step towards my goals.

Ocotber is starting out on the right foot.