Healthy

I need to be healthy. I need to become the person I want to be. In order to do that, I need motivation.

I remember when people used to think I was "tiny", and I haven't heard that for a while. I need to get back to that state again.

With my job, living on my own, insulin definciancy, and laziness, I have gained an unhealthy amount of weight. I have actually gotten to a stage where I do not think I am attractive, which as you should know, is very strange for me. I tend to where scarves to cover my neck, because I don't like how I am starting to grow a second chin. I wear clothes that are way to big for me, so I don't have to show my curves. I usually tend to turn down going "swimming" because the thought of people seeing me in a swim suit is utterly disgusting.

I am actually uncomfortable in the body I am in, but it is so hard to change. Especially in the environment I am living in. There are always sweets assessable to me. There is always sugar, white bread, desserts, fried food, processed food, and other food that isn't so good for me, always within reach.

I need to just have my own shelf, buy my own food, make my own meals, and have them all ready for me. No more sharing. Only caring for my body.

I need to get into the Buddhist persona: food is for nourishing the body only, and doesn't need to be enjoyed. I need to learn to eat what is good for me, and not what tastes good.

And most of all, I need to get off my lazy ass and exercises. An hour a day. It really shouldn't be too hard. I need to wake up earlier, and exercise before I go to work. Or come home and exercise.

So this is it. I'm going to start being healthy, from this point out. Nothing can stop me until I get back to the weight I was in high school at least: 120lbs. That is my plan. I need to at least get to that goal. I need to be able to fit in my old pants. I need to be happy with my body again.

Starting now. No option.

I need to be healthy.