Alone

For the first time in my life I want to be alone. I want and need time to concentrate on just myself. I am starting to enjoy, and relish in my alone time. Today, was the first day I turned off my phone on purpose. I clicked it off, and left in the car for several hours. I didn't check facebook, I didn't go online, and had no social contact with anyone besides my family. I felt so liberated. I felt like a giant weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I had no one to worry about besides myself. I didn't have to care about anyone elses problems or worry about "what's next". It was all just me, in the momment, alone. And I loved it more then ever.

My new goal is to focus on "me time", and focus on being more okay with being alone. If I can't be happy with myself, how can anyone else be happy with me? I need time to focus on me, and just making myself better. If it doesn't have to do with the following, I don't care:

• School
• Work
• My Family
• The Bible/Church
• My health (nutrition & working out)

I'm going to focus my attention mainly on those four things, and go from there. I think at this time of my life I just need to be selfish and find the things that make ME happy, and make ME feel good. I love me, and I need time to just focus on myself. I love being Alone.

Question is:

Do you want to be my friend?

I can make a fool out of myself just fine...

It's pictures like this that make me wonder why I drink at all? Back in highschool, when I used to sneak alcohol, it used to be fun to drink a little too much. I think the whole danger of knowing you were doing something wrong, and you might get caught, made it more exciting. I remember one time when some friends and I drank a little capfull of each different type of alcohol in our parents liquor cabinet just so we could get tipsy. It was all about doing something stupid. It was about the adventure: who's going to buy us alcohol? Where will we drink it? How can we do this without getting caught? And now...the fun is gone.

I am finding that now-a-days when I am purposely "Drinking To Get Drunk" I don't have any fun at all anymore. I black out too fast, do something stupid, don't remember anything, then wake up the next day with an awful hangover, and am basically useless for the whole next day. It absolutely sucks. It is no fun at all, and pretty much pointless. Basically, I am starting to find that I am PAYING to make a fool out of myself and get myself sick. So, really, it is pretty much pointless to "Drink To Get Drunk".

Honestly, I find that I can make a fool out of myself just fine on my own. No alcohol needed.

I think I really must be growing up in that way. All my friends and I would argue when we would go out to the bars, who would be the Designated Driver, but now I purposely volunteer. I find that I have way more fun being sober then drunk....at all times!

Of course I still like the occasional wine or beer, and even the mixed drink here and there. But really...I like them for the taste. I love the savor the flavor, and not just let it go to my head. So, as a wrap up, I leave you with my favorite "Drunk Picture" in memory of my glory days of being drunk, because personally...I don't want to be drunk, ever again. It's pointless. So here you all, relish the moment:

The Motivation Proclimation

I never can seem to find enough motivation to excersise. I think about it all the time. I'm unhappy with how I have slowing been starting to "let myself go" again, and I know I have to do something about it...but man...sitting on my lazy ass is just so tempting! And now that I have internet again (after 6 months of not having internet!), there is nothing I want more then to just sit on my butt watching documentary films and eating fruit snacks. I'm trying everything to get myself a little more excersise then now. So here are some ideas I am trying:

• walking to work (it only takes me 20 mins, so really, why not?)
• walking to go buy groceries (again, it only takes about 10 mins...so really...what is stopping me, besides my own lazy ass?)
• going for at least a 20 min long walk EVERY DAY! I really need to start with doing this EVERY DAY in order for me to actually DO IT!

I need to come up with a new rutine to get me going. I need someone to just come over to my house and light a match under my ass and lock me out of my house so I actually get going!

My first form of motivation comes in IPod form:

I love reading, and I absolutly LOVE "The Hunger Games" trilogy...so, I got the book downloaded onto my IPod...thanks to my dear friend Stephanie! It is so much more motivating then music, because I actually care about listing to a full chapter! When I listen to music, I don't care if I don't finish the song, but with the book, I really need to finish the end of the chapter. So rather then quitting early, I find that I don't want to stop. I have told myself I can only listen to the book when I am exciersising...and so far that has seemed to help.

Right now, my first step to improving my health is just gettin the motivation to excersise. Once I get that down...then I will really starting working on the whole not eating like John Goodman in an all-you-can-eat buffet thing. One step at a time guys...one step at a time.

Founder of the "Old Maids" Society

You know how in middle school people will date for about a week or so, then break up? Kids would burn through several relationships in a period of a month, and every other kid just thought that was normal and move on. Well, fast forward about 10 years...it doesn't seem so normal now does it?

Growing up, I never went through that fad. I never dated anyone until I was a junior in highschool. I didn't really care either. I figured I would just wait to date someone until I found a person I actually WANTED to date, and not just date someone because they asked me. So, my junior year of highschool, I found someone that I thought was perfect. We ended up dating for over 5 years before it ended. And now, I am completely screwed.

I feel like I am starting over with this whole "dating thing", because I never actually experienced it before. I never went to middle school, and I never dated before having my relationship. Most people figure out their "dating behavior" when they are in middle school/high school, but I have to figure it out now, when I am in my twenties. When you are in your twenties, most people assume that you have the whole dating thing down, so I feel like people don't understand my confusion now.

I am a middle-schooler, dating 20 year olds. Imagine how innapropriate that would be? That is why it is a perfect metaphor for my situation. I don't know what I am doing. I am just figuring out my dating style, like every middle-schooler does, by having my one-week long crushes. But now, in my twenties, it's not working. All that is happening is that I keep hurting people, and making everything worse.

It turns out, this whole "dating" thing, really isn't all it is cracked up to me. I'd rather just be single forever then hurt anyone else. I'm thinking of founding my own "Old Maids" society, and just be done with dating. Because honestly, this is just rediculous.

Kissing Boys Only Leads To Trouble

I am the most stubborn person in the world (probobly the reason I work so well with 2 year olds). Usually, my stubborness is a quality I enjoy about myself. It leads to me not being defeated. If I want something, I go for it. But, there is another aspect of my stubborness that isn't so kind: the fact that I have to learn things the hard way. No matter what people will tell me, how bad of an idea something is, I wont listen. Even the best advice goes right past my head, because I have to experience everything for myself first. And that is just how it works. I am the most stubborn person in the world.

I hate finding out things the hard way. I seem to lose people/hurt people in the process. I have taken on a new title of "The Queen of hurting peoples feelings". It's awesome. Is it something I am proud of? No. But, it's just something that happens. I use my stubborness to learn my lessons.

Specifics do not need to be mentioned for how/why I have come to this conclusion about my stubborness, but it's just something I have grown to realize: I learn things the hard way.