I fart, because I like you.

I was eating lunch with my mom today, knawing away at my corn-on-the-cob like my mouth was full of only gums, when she made an interesting statment, "You've never really done this whole 'flirting' thing before have you?". With her one eybrow up, and hesitant eyes, I could tell she was examining me slightly. I wiped the loose kernels off my mouth, and snorted a bit as I responded, "Well, come to think of it, No." I finished my corn-on-the-cob, burped, and wiped my hands on my shirt.

As I was driving home, examining a hot air balloon and wondering if my archery skills would be good enough to send that thing crashing to the ground, it hit me: No, I haven't done this whole "flirting" thing before. I've always just been me: a nerd. I've always just been myself. I burp, fart, eat messy, talk about poop and butts, snort when I laugh, turn everything into a peice of sexual innuendo, laugh hysterically, and god knows what other wierd things I do or say at a drop of a hat. I now wonder, what is this whole "flirting" thing, and what does it intail?

I was talking with a co-worker the other day about sleeping habbits. I told her that when I sleep, I sleep on my back, snore, drool, and am virtually impossible to move once I fall asleep. She gave me the same hesitant look my mom gave me: the one eyebrow up, and examining eyes. She then laughed and said, "And you wonder why you are single?"

Am I supposed to act different, be different, and say different things in order to flirt with my perspective mate? Really, when you think about it, if you are acting different in order to attract a mate, what are they going to say when you start acting like yourself? If they don't like me when I burp, fart, drool, and talk about poop, then really, when are they going to like me?

According to my mom and my co-worker, I suppose I am new to this whole flirting thing. However; according to me, I've been flirting since the day I was born. I am a what you see is what you get sort of girl. I don't want to flirt with someone who doesn't understand who I really am, so I just act myself all the time, and if people don't like me for who I am, I ussually will tell them to "suck it".

So, chances are, if I fart in your presence, it's only because I like you.