The Closeness

Today was a little easier. I was able to not cry for most of the day. It wasn't until the end of the day at work that I began to get a little teary.

At work there was a thanksgiving dessert for all the parents and families of the kids. It was cute! All the parents came in and sat next to their kids and watched them decorate cookies : ) Watching the cute kids didn't make me sad, it was their parents interactions that did. I watched one father take a bite of a cookie then offer his wife a bite. That simple act made me tear up.

It is mainly the closeness I will miss with Josh. The closeness with another individual. Where you just want to sit beside them, because that act makes you feel better. You want to share everything with them, even if it just a bite of a cookie. You can't help but hold their hand as you walk down the street.

The closeness. That is what I will miss the most.

I went home this evening, and Josh was there. I made a mistake and cried in his arms about it. It made me feel better. I wanted to kiss him so bad, but I didn't. I know I shouldn't talk to Josh about how sad he is making me, but, he's there. He always has been. And still, he is the only one I want to talk too.

So, as I was leaving to go to my moms tonight, I took off the keychain that Josh bought me and put it on the counter as I was leaving. My keychain is a little lighter, and so is my heart.

I slammed the door as I was leaving, then called Josh to appologize for being so upset.

I shouldn't appologize.