Europe: I am in the process of planning my trip to europe for August. I'm super excited, and super nervous. But right now, I feel mainly frustrated. I'm not saving as much money as I would like, and I am starting to get worried I may run out of money while I'm in Europe. It's also frusterating planning a trip with people that live internationally. It's not their fault, or mine, it's just frustrating as far as communication. I'm frustrated because I'm going to miss a month at work, and I know I will miss so many things while I'm gone it will be hard to get back into the swing of things. Right now I'm more frustrated then excited....things need to change.
School: I want to go back to school, but I still haven't found a way how. I don't qualify for any scholarships, or financial aid, and I can't pay for it myself. So it seems like I am SOL. The problem is, I am also lacking motivation because neither of my boss' even have a degree, so I don't really see the point in getting one. I love learning, I love going to school, so if I can go to school I will just for the enjoyment. But there really is no point getting a loan or paying out of pocket, because it is just a degree you don't really need anyways.
Future: Plans for the future keep changing by forces not controlled by me. I understand that he is allowed to change his mind at any time, and I shouldn't have to do something he doesn't like, but...he changes his mind all the time. At first he was going to become a nurse, then we were going to do traveling nursing for our first few years of marriage. Now, he is auditioning for a quartet (which is amazing because it is world renowned), but that is putting school off for many more years....which means we will be in the EXACT SAME PLACE for years to come. But, now, he doesn't think he wants to become a nurse anymore. He doesn't know what he wants, and he still doesn't want a full time job because it will interfere with singing. I'm glad he has a hobby (and he is absolutely amazing at it), but I'm worried he isn't being responsible and looking at the bigger picture. I'm worried he is going to be a bum. Yes, I said it. I'm worried he is just going to diddy daddle and end up working at a "Piggly Wiggly" for ever. This is all just coming out of love of course, I just worry about him. I worry about his future. I worry about my future. I worry about our future.
House: On the subject of "thinking about the future", I have been thinking lately that when I come back from Europe I will start saving to buy a house. My dream would be to own a house by the time I'm 30. Now, I'm not going to be looking for my "dream house"....but it would be nice to own property. A tiny "fixer-uper" that I can gain equity in...sell...and then buy an even bigger and nicer house. Or property for cheap that I can eventually build a nice house on. I don't know...it's just something I have been considering lately. I would rather save for a house then a wedding....a wedding is for a day...a house is your future you know. And I am not having a child until I own a house.
My Weight: I feel like I'm at a stand still. I've been the same weight for a while now. I'm maintaining it...which is great...but I'm working hard and not losing anything! It is a big downer.
22: I'm 22....I feel like I'm getting old. And I feel like I'm young. I feel like I should have done more by now, and I feel like I'm stuck. I feel like I'm being held back, and I feel like I'm holding myself back. I feel like I could be more, but I like who I am. Being 22 is confusing. But isn't that life?
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