My Rut...

....I haven't exercised in more then a week. I have started eating bread again. My dog pisses in the house, and this morning pissed on my bed while I was sleeping. And I had another dream where I was pregnant....AGAIN!

I'm lazy, lethargic, constantly feel sick, and cry almost everyday.

What's going on? Can I really be so dissatisfied in one aspect of my life that it is effecting every other aspect?

Mother's Drive Me Nuts

I think most of us could go on about our own mothers for hours, but this time, this has nothing to do with my mother. This time it has to do with a craigslist ad.

So, as most of you know, I want to go back to school to be a preschool teacher/day care worker/person who enjoys kids. Well, occasionally I look on craigslist to see if there is anything that I may enjoy available. I came across an ad for a babysitter:

Hello! My husband and I recently moved here to Birch Bay and we do not have any family or friends out here. We are looking to interview a few good, loving and caring people that will fit our description of what we are looking for to babysit our children on the weekends so we may go out and see what the town has to offer! My boys are 1 and 3 and very good kids! We are looking for someone who has own transportation, non smoking, no drugs, no alcohol! Must have experience with toddlers and diaper changing, be very trustworthy and honest. We are looking for someone is available at last minute also. It is hard for us to make plans way ahead of time. They never follow through! Also, someone who loves children IS A MUST! Please email me with any other questions and what you have to offer my family and your rates! Thanks!

I was pretty excited. This sounded like the perfect opportunity for me. I could occasional work on the weekend, and be able to do the thing I love: work and play with children. So I eagerly wrote her back:

Hello, I was reading through the ads on craigslist, and came across your add. I wasn't really looking for a anything in particular (just browsing), but after coming across your add I think I found something I was looking for...and didn't even know it yet!

I am 21 years old, and currently working at Whatcom Educational Credit Union. This means I work Monday-Friday, and have the weekends off. Most weekends I am available (unless I have something planned ahead of time). I am looking to go back to school in the next few quarters to get a degree in early childhood education. I aspire to own my own daycare. I have not worked with children for several years, but I miss it thoroughly. Throughout high school I was a nanny 4 days a week and Saturday night for an infant girl and a toddler boy. I worked with them for about 2 years in high school along with babysitting several other children (a 10 year old, 2 infants, and a 6 and 7 year old) on the weekends. I was always known for bringing a fun new toy, or crafts for the kids to play with. I enjoy taking the kids to parks, running around, and getting muddy with the children.

I live in birch bay as well (and have lived in whatcom country forever), I have my own car, non smoker, would never do a drug in my life, and I do not drink. I have babysat infants up to 12. I am STARS certified and have taken many early childhood education classes. I am very negotiable with my rates. I charge around 9-10 give or take. Really depending on what we are doing and such. I'm not looking for more income really, I mainly would like the position just to make sure going to school for early childhood education is going to be the right decision.

Just a few questions for you now! : )

What are you looking for exactly? It sounds to me like you are looking for a list of people that you would like to call if you both decide to go out for a night or what not?

How often are you looking for someone? Every weekend? Once a month?

What kind of babysitter would you like? Someone who sits in a house and plays games and artsy stuff? Or someone who takes them out to parks and such? Both?

Let me know if I sound like what you are looking for, or if you have more questions about me. I hope to hear from you soon! : ) Thanks

So I eagerly awaited her reply. I thought I sounded like I was exactly what she would be looking for. Much to my surprise her response was not the polite mother I was expecting. Evidently my reply to her ad was rude? :

First off, I am not looking for a list of babysitters to be able to just call when we decide to go out. I am a very well mannered, over protective parent. Thanks. I am looking for a list of people to interview so we may be able to find "the right" person to babysit our children on a regular basis. I live in a community and for one, do not need everybody having the gate code, and for two, I don't want a ton of different people in my home. I have valuables and don't need them stolen or what not. We are looking for people to meet with and see what kind of vibe we get and ask questions. We want someone who is very good with our children and will keep them in the house. We do not want them out while we are not home. We want someone that we can actually consider like "part of our family". Someone we feel very comfortable with. Also the main thing is if my kids like you and how they feel around you (or whoever). I am not sure how you meant your questions, but they came across as something that I normally wouldn't have responded to, but I just wanted to let you know that we are not looking for "a list of babysitters for if we decide to go out or what not". I will never have a ton of different people watching my kids like that. We are looking for a list of people to meet with so we can choose just ONE person that we feel safe and comfortable with. I'm sorry, but that made us sound bad and we are very good people.

That defiantly was not the response I was expecting. I thought she would have said a little more about how great it was all the experience I had. And, how I obviously wasn't in it for the money. I thought she would think it would be nice that I lived in Birch Bay too, and I would be close. But I guess not. I decided to respond back to her, because I hate not "winning" a conversation. So I replied:

I would like to start by saying I apologize greatly if you thought my email sounded as if I thought you were a bad person in any way. I thoroughly did not mean to offend you. And I defiantly did not mean for my email to sound as if that was what I was implying.

I was simply asking what you were expecting. The craigslist ad did not get into specifics on exactly what you wanted--which is great, obviously craigslist is not a place to tell a life story. So, I just wanted to get a better feel of what you were looking for. I have worked for many people. And obviously every parent is different. Some parents feel more comfortable with the kids staying at home while they are out (playing games, doing art projects, watching movies), some want me to watch movies with them, some parents say "no t.v". There are other parents I have watched for that have told me they want me to take them out and about to different parks and such, and they do not want me staying in the house too much. I was simply asking what kind of babysitter you preferred for your children.

I was not stating that one parent is better then the other--because all parents are wonderful in their own way--I was simply curious what you were looking for. I completely understand not wanting to give your door code out to many people whom you do not trust (or more then one other person for that matter). And I did not mean it dis-respectful that I had assumed by "We are looking to interview a few good, loving and caring people", that you had meant you wanted to get several people for the position. Many parents have a list of a main babysitter, then maybe a back up or two if the first one is unavailable, so I had just assumed that is what you meant. I once again apologize that my email came off sounding as if I thought you were a bad person, I had simply just wanted to know a little more of what you were looking for.

I never heard back from her. I just assumed that she felt bad for being an evil witch lady, and gave up. Well last weekend I ended up getting a response:

Hello! I was wondering if you were available tonight (asap) and if you were willing to work with us on a pay rate?? Please let me know asap! Thanks!

Seriously? Are you kidding me? First you are offended that I would even assume that she would want more the ONE babysitter, then she wants me to babysit on a moments notice without even meeting me. What kind of mother is she? I would defiantly not trust someone I hadn't met prior with my children. This was absolutely ridiculous! I didn't want to respond. But, I never want to lose an argument (like I mentioned before) so I did respond:

Hello, I am sorry for not getting back to you right away. I was in Seattle all weekend for my younger sister's birthday, so I was unable to respond.

I hope you were able to find someone.

Are you still looking to interview people for the position?

Thanks

Her Response:

We always seem to have a rough way to go.. We find someone who we thought was the right person and who we thought was reliable and still can't seem to get ahold of her.. Oh well, I guess she wasn't as reliable as she said. We had tickets bought to go to the comedy show and wasted them because we couldn't get ahold of our babysitter at the last minute. So now, we start the search all over again.. I want someone who does not smoke, do drugs or drink "on the job". I want someone who is reliable because of the last minute plans.. We do not like to make plans because of reasons like this one. (she has known she was going to babysit and agreed to it since Monday). Most of the time, we won't know until a couple hours before. But Saturday nights are a must. The only thing is the time will vary.I want someone who will spend time and play with kids. I want someone who has a passion for toddlers. My kids are very good kids. They are boys! I want someone with a reasonable price also. We can't afford $10-15 an hour. Especially when we like to be out for alittle while. I'm sorry, but we moved here from Las Vegas and we have had a hard with babysitters. People saying they will do one thing and then do another. This is the reasoning as to why I am so picky with my sitters. I hope I don't offend you in any way, this is just what we are looking for. Please let me know if you are interested still (with the every Saturday thing too.) and what you would charge and we will go from there. Thanks!

Well, even though she sounded nice this second time. I couldn't help but be a little rude in my final response. I couldn't handle how bi-polar this lady was! So I responded, in my well educated-rude manner:

I am really sorry things just don't seem to be working out with sitters. I can only imagine how hard it is to find a reliable and responsible sitter.

I completely understand that you are unable to afford more then $10 an hour; However I can not justify a night of babysitting where I am not getting paid at least minimum wage which is $8.50 per/hour. Obviously if the kids are going to be in bed part the night (if you are out a little later) the pay could be slightly lowered. Possibly a flat rate of like $50 a night or something?

Unfortunately I am unable to guarantee you availability on every Saturday night. And I am unable to guarantee to you that I would be available on a moments notice. Since I work 40 hours a week, I have to plan out my weekend in order to take care of everything I can't take care of during the week. I would be able to babysit every few weekends with a few days notice, and possibly every now and then with only a moments notice.

It sounds like I may just not be the right person that you are looking for. I really do hope you find someone that will fit in with your many needs. But I just thought I would point out to you that I have been getting $10 per hour since I was 16 years old, and that is even when I was just going over to someones house to "watch t.v" while the child sleeps. I don't have a single friend that has worked for less then that either. The going rate for babysitting around the bellingham area is a bit steep, I do realize, but I just thought i would mention that to you before you are dissapointed once again. There are not going to be many reliable and responsible babyistters that are willing to work on an "on call basis" for minimum wage.

Once again, I do hope you find someone that will fit in with your family. I just don't think I am the right fit.

Thanks for the consideration.

Her Response is priceless. I'm sorry to say that I just laughed. I am so glad she turned back to her bi-polar self. She is one of the most comical people I have heard from. And I bet she was thinking that she sounded very mature:

That is completely fine that you feel that way but I'm not paying someone more than what we make an hour. I don't mind doing the flat $50 a night, but don't expect us to only be gone 5 hours.. It's sad that kids can't help out anymore. And it's nice to know that you would be in it just for the money. We didn't even pay $10 an hour in vegas.. And we usually ended paying at least $50 a night after we seen how good of a job the babysitter did when we got home. All we asked is that the house be the way it was when we left. And we usually are not out that long anyways. Especially with not a whole lot to do here. We actually do pay very well when we do find the right one. We look and talk and meet with people and see if they are in it at all for the money and if their not, then they are more likely to get the job because then I know my kids would be taken good care of. Thanks anyways! Oh and I don't have many needs. I'm sorry my kids have asthma and can't be around smoke, I'm sorry I don't want the drugs or drinking around my kids or in my house and I'm sorry that I want someone who will take good care of my kids. I don't think thats asking a whole lot. My posting was mainly to see who is greedy and who is not. That is how we decide who would be the right person for us. Thanks!

Ha, that lady is completely crazy. I did provoke this last conversation I admit. But, that lady should not be so "snapish", and bi-polar if she is wanting someone responsible. I wonder why they have such a tough time finding babysitters? HA!

I did respond:

Good Luck : )

I thought that was all that really needed to be said. I am proud to say, I win this discussion. But, I am sad that this mother is so crazy. She should move back to Las Vegas where that kind of thing is tolerated!

Dream: Ellen, and Pregnancy?

Last night I had a very vivid dream. I couldn’t wake up, because I needed to know how it ended. I kept tossing and turning because I felt so upset. In actuality—looking back at the dream—it is pretty comical. But, I was so upset in the dream that I seem to still remember it vividly.

I was pregnant, and in the process of giving birth. I could feel the pains, and I knew I was about to give birth. I kept looking down, and I could see my huge tummy wrapped up in my vivid red shirt I was wearing. I guess prior to actually giving birth I had agreed to give birth on Ellen DeGeneres’ show. But, when it actually came right down to it, I no longer wanted too.
I was crying because I did not want to give birth on the stage, in front of a huge audience. They had a bed set up for me in the corner of the stage and everything, but I started freaking out realizing that the whole audience would be able to see everything. I kept saying, “There are no curtains!”

Ellen, “That baby has to come out of you one way or the other, and it will be on this stage”
Me, “There is no way I am birthing it there. I will hold it in for weeks if I have too!”
And I started squeezing the baby back up in my stomach.

The whole time I was super stressed out.

I wonder what the dream means. I’ve been looking up meanings all day, and I can’t come up with a straight answer.

Audience
To dream that you are in front of an audience represents the world around you and it is paying close attention to your actions. Alternatively, it suggests your fears of having your personal feelings and private thoughts discovered or revealed. If the audience is rowdy or noisy, then it suggests cluttered thoughts and confusion of ideas.
To dream that you have no audience, denotes that you are not being acknowledged for your work or achievements. Perhaps you are feeling ignored or neglected.

Belly
To see your belly in your dream, indicates that your are processing and integrating your ideas and feelings from the unconscious to the conscious level. The belly symbolically holds repressed emotions and unexpressed feelings. Your dream may also be telling you to trust your gut feeling and intuition.
To see a pregnant belly, represents emotions that are due to come to the surface. They can no longer remain suppressed.
To dream that you are stroking or touching a belly, indicates that you are coming to terms with certain feelings. You are slowly confronting and acknowledging your repressed emotions.
To dream that you or someone has a belly piercing, denotes your deep connection with your mother. Perhaps the dream is telling you to reconnect with your mother or that you need to be in touch with your maternal instincts.

Birth
To dream of giving birth or see someone else giving birth, suggests that you are giving birth to a new idea or project. It also represents a new attitude, fresh beginnings or a major upcoming event. Alternatively, the dream may be calling attention to your inner child and the potential for your to grow. A more direct interpretation of this dream, may represent your desires/ anxieties of giving birth or the anticipation for such an event to occur.
To dream that you are giving birth to a non-human creature, signifies you overwhelming (an unfounded) fear in the health of your baby. You are overly concerned that your baby may have birth defects. This type of dream is common in expectant mothers in their second trimester. If you are not expecting, then it refers to your fear in the outcome of some decision or project. You are trying to overcome difficulties in your life and achieve inner development.
In particular, if you dream that you are giving birth to a monster, then it implies that your inner creative energy has yet to differentiate itself and grow into expression. You may hold some hesitation in releasing this "monster" for fear that others will judge your or that they will not accept your ideals.
To dream that the mother dies during birth, represents transformation. The dream represents the ending of one thing (death) and the new beginning of another thing (birth). You may be making life changes or getting rid of your old habits and ways.
Pregnant
To dream that you are pregnant, symbolizes an aspect of yourself or some aspect of your personal life that is growing and developing. You may not be ready to talk about it or act on it. This may also represent the birth of a new idea, direction, project or goal.
To dream that you are pregnant with the baby dying inside of you, suggests that a project you had put a lot of effort into is falling apart and slowly deteriorating. Nothing is working out the way you want it to.
If you are really pregnant and having this dream, then it represents your anxieties about the pregnancy. Women in the first trimester of their pregnancy tend to dream of tiny creatures, fuzzy animals, flowers, fruit and water. In the second trimester, dreams will reflect your anxieties about being a good mother and concerns about possible complications with the birth. Dreams of giving birth to a non-human baby are also common during this period of the pregnancy. Finally, in the third trimester, dreams consists of your own mother. As your body changes and grows, dreams of whales, elephants and dinosaurs and other larger animals may also start appearing at this stage.

Celebrities
To dream that you are a celebrity, signifies your high aspirations that may be way beyond your reach at the present moment. You may just be setting yourself for a let-down.
To dream that a friend or lover becomes a celebrity, denotes your fear of losing the friendship and loyalty of this person.
To see a celebrity in your dream, represents your beliefs and understanding about him or her. Something in you waking life has triggered these similar beliefs and feelings. It is not uncommon that your obsession with a certain celebrity may carry over onto your dream world. Celebrities are often seen as heroes and all that is mighty. Also consider any puns within the name.
To dream that you are good friends with a celebrity, represents your idealized version of someone you know in your life. Perhaps you hope that a real-life friend can act more like a particular celebrity. Consider the qualities that you see in this celebrity and how you want your friends to have those qualities.
To dream that you are having sex with a celebrity, indicates your drive to be successful. Consider what movies you associate this celebrity with or what makes this celebrity famous for clues as to where and what you want to achieve success in.

Television
To dream that you are watching television, represents your mind and its flowing thoughts. The dream reflects how you are receiving, integrating, and expressing your ideas and thoughts. The programs you dream of watching is an objective view of the things that are in your mind.
To dream that you are on TV, suggests that there is something that you want to broadcast to the whole world. You have the desire to express yourself. Alternatively, you are trying to take a more objective view on your life issues.
To dream that the television is broken or that the picture is fuzzy, suggests that you are looking at a problem all wrong. You need to re-evaluate an issue.

Red
Red is an indication of raw energy, force, vigor, intense passion, aggression, power, courage and passion. The color red has deep emotional and spiritual connotations. Consider the phrase "seeing red" to denote anger.
Red is also the color of danger, shame, sexual impulses and urges. Perhaps you need to stop and think about your actions.
Colors
Colors in dreams represent energy, emotions, and vibes. First consider what that single color in your dream means to you and your own personal associations and relationship with that color.

Force
To dream that you are being forced to do something, indicates negative feelings that are being pushed out of the unconscious. Feelings of hate, aggression or anger which you may have suppressed need to be addressed head on.

Color In a Dream
To dream in color and then dream in black and white, suggests that you are starting to look at a situation from a more objective perspective instead of from an emotional standpoint. You are subconsciously reacting to events in the dream.

What do you all think?

Value Village

The only huge problem about losing weight is the cost of it. Right now I am still too big to fit into my old clothes, and yet, all my "fat clothes" fall off me! I found out the other day, that even my belts are too big for me. So they are pretty much useless. Since I am between the size I want to be, and the size I am now, I don't want to buy expensive clothes. On the other hand, I can't wear pants to work that fall down as I walk. My new venture is "Value Village".

For some reason, I haven't shopped in second hand stores for a long time. That is how we grew up-shopping in second hand stores-but when I started making money, I quit for some reason. I think I just got too lazy to look through the clothes rack for one thing that "may fit" rather then go buy the specific brand you already know will fit.

But, I forgot how handy second hand shopping is. Last night I went to Value Village and got 4 pairs of jeans that fit me for only $20! Usually I pay $20 for just a single pair of jeans! Amazing.

Value Village is the perfect place to shop when you are between sizes. I am defiantly not going to feel bad when my old clothes don't fit me.

And, as an added note: I dropped 2 pants sizes! Yay! Let's just hope I drop 2 more! Then 2 more! Then I will be back down to what I was in high school. : /

One Statement

"Ha, a consumer loan officer! That is about the least 'Amber Like' thing you could possibly be!"--Kayla

One statment can say a thousand more words then you think.

I do enjoy being a consumer loan officer, but, she is right, that is not very "Amber Like". That statement really got me to thinking: what is "amber like"?

Well, in highschool I was addicted to art. I loved reading, writing, and anything to do with theater. All I did was draw, write poetry, read and perform in plays. That was about it. I was happy. I enjoyed life.

Now, I go to work. I ussually get home to late to do anything, and then go to sleep and start over. Day in and day out, over and over again. I no longer have time for hobbies. I no longer have time for fun and games. I work, day in and day out.

I think I may see a difference here?

I guess, something "amber like" would be something where I can play and draw all day! I think being a pre-school teacher is going to fit in just fine! Owning my own daycare or working with kids is going to fit right into the imaginative sense I have.

I can't wait to begin.

Slow Down and Read This

I'm going to blog slightly different today. This is a forward I got at work. When I read it, I cried. Children can do/say the most beautiful things sometimes. I just thought I would share this with all of you:

A group of professional people posed this question to a group of 4 - 8 year-olds, "What does love mean?"
The answers they got were broader and deeper than anyone could have imagined. See what you think:


"When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her
toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got
arthritis too. That's love."

Rebecca- age 8

"When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different.You just know that your name is safe in their mouth"

Billy - age 4


"Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other."

Karl - age 5


"Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs."

Chrissy - age 6


"Love is what makes you smile when you're tired."

Terri - age 4


"Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK."

Danny - age 7


"Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more. My Mommy and Daddy are like that. They look gross when they kiss"

Emily - age 8


"Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen."

Bobby - age 7 (Wow!)

"If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate,"

Nikka - age 6
(we need a few million more Nikka's on this planet)


"Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, and then he wears it everyday."

Noelle - age 7


"Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well."

Tommy - age 6


"During my piano recital, I was on a stage and I was scared. I looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling. He was the only one doing that. I wasn't scared anymore."

Cindy - age 8


"My mommy loves me more than anybody.You don't see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night."

Clare - age 6


"Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken."

Elaine-age 5


"Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Brad Pitt."

Chris - age 7


"Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day."

Mary Ann - age 4


"I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones."

Lauren - age 4


"When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you." (what an image)

Karen - age 7


"You really shouldn't say 'I love you' unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget."

Jessica - age 8


And the final one -- Author and lecturer Leo Buscaglia once talked about a contest he was asked to judge.

The purpose of the contest was to find the most caring child.

The winner was a four year old child whose next door neighbor was an elderly gentleman who had recently lost his wife.

Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old gentleman's yard, climbed onto his lap, and just sat there.

When his Mother asked what he had said to the neighbor, the little boy said,

"Nothing, I just helped him cry"

Meloncholic Thursdays

It's the melancholic days like today that always get me to thinking.
I always want the next phase in my life to begin, and I am always striving to go forward. Why can I never be happy with the present? But really, should you be? If you aren't striving to move forward wont you always be in the same place?
It's not that I am not enjoying my life now, I am just so excited for the next phase to start. I have a year to wait to get it underway. But, a year is a long time.
All I can think about is going back to school. I want to go back to school for Early Childhood Development. Right now I think I am just going to get the Early Childhood Development degree from Whatcom Community College. I know it's not high living, but does it really matter if that is what I dream of doing? I want to be a pre-school teacher. I want to work with children. I want to get paid to be goofy, color, and have fun all day. I honestly don't care if I will be making minimum wage the rest of my life, it's more important to be happy.
I want to own my own daycare. I want to own my own business. I want to set my own hours, and work when I want too.
Most of all, I just want to enjoy working. I want to actually enjoy what I do, and not just work for money. Money's great, but being happy is better.
I love WECU, I love what I do. I love being able to help people, and know the answers. But, this is not me. I love being goofy. I love kids. I love art. This is none of them.
I can't wait to start the new phase in my life. I can't wait to go back to school. I look at the school schedules all the time and dream of when I am actually learning something fun again! I want to have the crazy wacky school schedule, I miss it. I never thought I would, but I miss it.
I can't wait to travel to Europe like I plan in the next year. I want to go visit all those countries, and explore new things. I want to see my "Germans" again. I want to get out of Bellingham.
I can't wait for Josh to graduate school and take up traveling nursing! I can't wait to travel around with him, and see the country!
I can wait to graduate school, get married, have babies, be a preschool teacher, and live happily ever after.
Yes, I always have my life planned out. But, I always change my plans ; ) These are my plans for now. My ever changing plans for the future.

Pants

I hate losing weight. I feel great all the time, I am always in a good mood, but my stupid pants don't fit! I don't fit into my fat pants without them falling off, and I still can't fit into my skinny pants. It's pointless to go buy pants while I am still shrinking, but, how can I go without pants.

Now don't get me wrong, there is nothing I would like more in the world then to walk around without pants, but for some reason they strongly discourage that at work. I guess it is not work appropriate!

Stupid Pants Suck!

Bigger Really Is Beautiful

I was on the tread mill this morning (the normal routine), just running away. I had the t.v turned to VH1, as per usual, to watch the music videos as I worked out. A video for a new artist named "Adele" turned on. There was a silhouette of a very beautiful woman. Her body was entrancing, and I instantly became mesmerized by it's form.


Adele is an absolutely beautiful woman, with a beautiful voice. But, by no means is she slender. She has a very full form. She has a full bodied voice, and a full bodied form. It was absolutely mesmerizing.

It was so beautiful how she is so confident in the skin she is in, not matter what form she is. She exudes confidence, and that is attractive enough.

It's so sad how many women (and men) hate the skin they are in. And it is absolutely depressing how people portray "skinny" and "Slim" as beautiful. Wouldn't it be better to just want to be healthy?

I find it Ironic how I came up with the conclusion that "healthy woman" are beautiful, as I was on the treadmill trying to lose weight. But, that's just the thing. I am not in fact "trying to lose weight", I just want to be healthy. I do not have the body type that can be larger, I have to be skinner because of my insulin resistance. Some woman can be healthy and larger, others can't.

I am not striving to be skinny. I am striving to be healthy. I am not striving to lose weight. I am striving to feel healthy again. I do need to lose weight in order to fit into the body that god has given me. But, not everyone has too. Some women (and men) were built with larger frames. Some with smaller frames. Adele has a larger frame, and is absolutely beautiful. I think the real thing to strive for is to be healthy. Not to strive for a certain weight. And not to strive for a certain look. But rather, strive for how god made your body.

We were all raised with the fact that "we are all made different", but little hold true to that for weight loss.

I will leave you now, with a few comparisons for thought:

This:

Or This:

Reflection or Actuality?:

Babies

There are different stages growing up that you and your friends go through: high school, graduation, the college years, etc. I guess when you are in your early twenty's the stage is "marriage and babies". It has always seemed to young for me, but, I guess that is normal? Right now the stage of my friends is the, "Marriage and Babies" stage. Many people that I am close with are married, and many have babies, or are having babies, or have babies. It seems like everytime I log on facebook now-a-days there is another status update, "So and So is engaged", "So and So is Married", "So and So is Pregnant". I feel like we just graduated? Why is everyone taking on so much responsibility?

Getting married is responsibility enough, why add to the mess with having a baby so young? What is the point in having a baby within the first years of marriage, or before you graduate college, or before you travel? Once you have a baby, that's it. Your done. You are a parent for the rest of your life, regardless of what you want. Why CHOOSE to have a baby so young?

Not all babies are chosen to be had. This is also the stage in my life where a lot of "unwanted" pregnancies occur. Horny teenagers turn into aborted babies. Horny teenagers turn into single moms. Horny teenagers turn into bad parents. Not all babies are planed babies, and chosen to be had.

For some reason, kids my age, who get pregnant by accident and become mothers, are better in my book. They did not choose to get pregnant so young, but they are taking full responsibility for their actions. It's not exactly what fit in the plan, but they were adult enough to have sex, so they are adult enough to take on that responsibility.

When an unplanned pregnancy occurs there are three options that run through your head, "Abortion", "Adoption", and "Keeping the baby". Sadly, I think a lot of people fall for the easy way out, and go with "Abortion". Now, don't get me wrong, I am not against abortion completely, but to use it as a form of birth control is probably the most selfish thing you could possibly do. You are only looking out for yourself. You are only thinking about what is going to be best for you, not the baby. In cases of rape, incese, and abscess, abortion is the most legitimate option, but unless you fit into one of those categories, then it really shouldn't be an option.

It's strange though, how the most selfish act you could possibly imagine could turn into the most selfLESS act you could perform: Adoption. I think it is an option that a lot of teen mothers reject. Imagine carrying a baby full term, only to give it up at the end? Going through all the pains of the pregnancy, without any of the rewards. I could only imagine. These people that have gone through adoption, are the most selfless people I could imagine. They are taking responsibility for their actions, and in turn, still giving a baby to this world, and giving them to a loving family. They may not be ready for parenthood, but they are ready for the responsibility for sex.

Now, please do not take this wrong. Not everyone that gets an abortion is a bad person, and not everyone that chooses to get married or have a baby young is an idiot. These are just simple statements for what I have been thinking lately. I guess because I was forced to grow up too fast, that I don't want others to grow up too fast with choices that they could avoid. If you are not with a person that you could potentially marry, then don't have sex. Just because you are married, does not in fact mean you should have a baby.

Live. Learn. Live.

Strive for more. Live for more. There is no rush to grow up too quickly. And there is no need to put yourself in a difficult situation.

Live. Learn. Live.