Today, I had a revelation. I work at a daycare, and am going to majior in Elementry Educaiton, but I have discovered, babies freak me out. With those big judgmental eyes, and that helpless little look they give you that just screams, "Take care of me woman!" Babies are frightening. An old co-worker of mine brought her baby into work today to show "IT" off. All the other women there were instantly were oogly and ah-gling this spawn, but I wanted to back away. There was no desire for me to hold that fetus. None what-so-ever. I normally just shrug these feelings aside and come up with some excuse, "I think I feel a cold coming on", "I have to go poop" etc. Then I walk away without having to contaminate my arms with babies. But, today I had the realization: this is not a normal reaction to babies.
There are certain days in the daycare where I do work with the babies in the baby room, and I have no problem with that. Babies are cute, and when I am in there, it is a job: and I am good at my job. But, I don't actually like babies. They are terrifying. They poop, and pee, and get fed, and are easily breakable. It's like they are born with a self-destruct button and anywhere you push on it it is going to explode. They are so dependant on you, that it terrifies me that I am going to fail. When a baby grows up a little, and start's crawling/walking, they are fine. Toddlers are great people, but until that momment, those mutant spawns are the worst joke God has ever created (besides the platypus).
When I grow up, I have always wanted to have children of my own. Today, I feaked myself out: what if my fear of babies doesn't go away? What if when I birth my own lizard-spawn I am repulsed by it? I guess I have many years to find out, but in the mean time, I just have to find a way to face my fear, and hold a baby.
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