Meloncholic

Everyday is another day. I keep having highs and lows. Today is a low. I have felt like I was going to cry all day, but I held it in.

I feel like everything was going great in my life, then suddenly someone lit a giant fire and I have to start all over. In one fail swoop I lost everything in my life: my dog, my house, the ability to go back to school, all the money in my savings, my friends, and most important...the love of my life. Everything is gone, and now I have to start over.

Just a few months ago, we were moving into our new house. When I was in Europe J decided to surprise me by finding a great new house for us to move into...on our own! I had wanted to live on our own for a while, and I hated where we lived before, so it was a wonderful surprise. When we walked into the new house, it was perfect! I fell in love with it instantly. He walked me into the first room and showed me a corner and said, "That's where we will put the chirstmas tree". And he smiled. He knows that the first thing I think of with any house is where I will put the christmas tree. I laughed. It was the greatest gift.

Well, the months have come and gone, and December is here. Time to get the christmas tree. But, he is gone. The house is gone. And the christmas tree is no longer.

I am now living at my moms. We will put her christmas tree up, with her christmas decorations. And mine will stay tight in a box until next year.

Today, I am meloncholic for the past. I miss last christmas. I miss my old life. I miss the old me where I laughed and made jokes all the time. I miss who I used to be. I miss who he used to be. I miss who we used to be. I miss it all.

Hopefully tomorrow will be another day.