Pursuing My Future Dreams

I wish I could pursue my dreams now. I wish it didn’t cost so much to pursue anything. And, most of all, I wish money wasn’t a factor in happiness.

The reason I haven’t gone back to school sooner is money. I am not financially stable enough to go to school using my own money. And, I am not financially stable enough to go back to school if I don’t have a set degree. If/when I go back to school I have to have a set career track in mind. I can’t just go back for fun.

Ultimately, I want to work with children. I absolutely love working with children. Now I just have to get a straight career path set up. As of now, my goal is to go back to school Fall quarter 2010. I will be working for my two year degree in Early Childhood Education. In the hopes that one day I will be able to own my own daycare.

I have considered going back to school to be an elementary school teacher, but honestly, I know the university life just isn’t for me. Western is not my cup of tea, and I there is no way I can afford an “out of state college” nor am I willing to move away too far.

I have too many responsibilities at home to be able to go to an out of state or “out of area” college.

I also know I will not enjoy being an Elementary School Teacher in the long run, because I would still have to leave my own future children for work. It is very important to me to be able to stay home with my future children. I would love to eventually be a stay-at-home-mommy but, with the current economy, I also know that is more likely not possible. With owning my own day care, I will be able to bring in an income, as well as bring my children to work with me.

I just want to get started with my future career goals, NOW. But, I am being held back financially. I have to wait until next year’s school year, so I can apply for financial aid and scholarships. I am also very worried about the fact that I would have to quit my job here at WECU. WECU offers me a 401K, Medical Benefits, as well as annual bonus’. I am financially stable at this job, and some my find it irresponsible of me to give this up for a career that pays minimum wage. But I think ultimately I have to find something that will make me happy rather then something that pays well.

As I stated yesterday, “I only have patience in life with two things: dogs, and children. Everything else better just hurry the hell up!”

My New Computer

I took out a loan to get a computer yesterday! I am way more excited then I should be. I haven't ever had a computer of my own, which is strange now a days I have heard. This this will be all mine. I took out a loan for it like an adult.

I'm getting a Mac Book, and yes, I am going to buy a purple cover to go over it as well! I am so excited. This weekend, I will no longer have to borrow peoples computers to check my email. I will actually be able to download the pictures off my camera. I can use the computer whenever I want, and don't have to depend on anyone else.

It's strange how much my life revolves around computers, but i guess that is just how it works now a days right?

I am so excited : )

Insulin Resistance

I have been diagnosed with Insulin Resistance. And now that I have posted it on my blog, that makes it official right? Things are always more real once you put them in the public eye.

Insulin Resistance sounds scary, but it really isn’t. Basically, I am just “pre-diabetic”. “Insulin resistance is a condition in which the body produces insulin but does not use it properly”, basically my body will store the insulin in fat particles rather then distribute it properly throughout my body. This makes it very easy for me to put on weight, and very difficult for me to lose it, if I don’t eat properly.

I have probably had Insulin Resistance my entire life, but I have always eaten properly, since recently. Growing up we ate whole grains, lots of fruits and veggies, and very lean meat. Since I have moved out on my own, I have bought the cheapest food I can fine: white bread, potatoes, pastas, and cheap meat. These kinds of things are very bad for me, and will cause rapid weight gain as well as make me very tired and bitchy because my body is not being properly nourished.

Obviously, I am not blaming my weight gain in these last several years on my condition (because I am ultimately pretty lazy), but it is a factor that I have to consider now with any diet.

What does this all mean? Basically, in order for me to be healthy, I have to eat as though I am diabetic. No white breads, starches (such as potatoes), sugar, salts, basically anything that tastes really good, but isn’t healthy. I have to stick to a whole grain diet, with lots of protein and veggies. Not all too bad eh?

So, when I say “no” when you offer me cookies, sweets, white breads, and many bad carbs, I am not saying “no” to you, I just can no longer eat those things.

Insulin Resistance can be controlled, and even reversed, so I guess I can just hope for the best. And hope my “pre-diabetes” does not turn into full blown “diabetes”.

Facebook/Myspace

My life, as well as the lives of a majority of my friends, has seemed to become “Myspace” and “Facebook” co-dependant. More and more decisions I have in my life are based on facts I have learned through these sites, rather then through life experiences. Would life be different without these social networks?

I remember when it was perfectly normal to call your friend up and ask, “What are you doing tonight?” Then you got to actually listen to them make up a phony excuse on the spot, and not have to wait for a response (constantly logging back into Facebook to see if they have responded yet).

I remember when I actually had to tell people about a party, and not just send a “group invite”.

I remember when there was not second guessing, when you got a clear response, and when things were more personal.

I remember when I used to take pictures because I wanted to remember the occasion, and not because I needed a new Facebook album.

I remember when “Good” photography wasn’t based on how many comments you got on your picture, but rather, actually being a “Good” photographer.

Ha, do you remember when people wanted to be something other then a photographer?? It seems like everyone goes through the “photographer” stage now that we have these social networks.

I was thinking about my 10 year high school reunion the other day. And realized, it’s really not going to be a big shock. I can see any of my classmates on their Facebook today if I want too. I can check on them. See which ones are married, pregnant, got fat, graduated college, etc. Is the 10 year reunion really going to be such a big deal? Are these social networks ruining to fun in a lot of things?

If these social networks are ruining the fun, are the ruining more? Relationships? Socializing? I think so.

If you have a big problem with someone, do you call them and meet with them to talk it out? Or do you just send them a Facebook message?

Communication is lost.

I don’t know what I am trying to prove with this. I guess a lot of things. I am getting of on one million tangents.
I guess I am really just trying to say, I really hate social networks. And I think I am done.

Freedom of Religion is Not Free

Wouldn’t it be nice to live in a country where one of our founding amendments was “Freedom of Religion”? Where anyone that lived here would be free to practice whatever religion they truly believed in, without prejudice. Where Muslims could be Muslims, Jews could be Jews, Buddhists could be Buddhists, and Christians could be Christians. No religion was considered, “Better then the other”, and all were equally recognized.

This morning I was driving to work and I passed a Christian school. I thought how wonderful it must be to have a place where you can freely demonstrate your religion. Where you know you are not going to be judged because you pray in school. To have a place where you truly fit in. But, shouldn’t that be free for everyone? Shouldn’t you be able to pray in peace?

Why are we not allowed to pray in schools? If we have freedom of religion, couldn’t we pray wherever we are free? And, couldn’t we bow to “Allah” instead of pray to “God” or “Jesus”?

Supposedly, we are not allowed to pray in schools because not everyone prays, and the people that don’t pray will be left out. In search for equality, we are segregating. Instead of being able to pray in a public school people are forced to build these “....Christian.. ..Schools....” that are in turn segregating the people that are not “Christian”. Is this the direction ....America.... is moving? In order to celebrate our own faith we have to build ourselves a temple to worship.

Freedom of religion is not free. When you start having to build yourself a place to pray, freedom becomes a little less easy

Feminist Revolution Revealed

Woman have been fighting for their "rights" since the beginning of time. Ever since the first female neanderthal was ordered to roast the wild boar for supper, woman have been fighting for equality. Honestly, "equality" is what everyone is fighting for, but I would rather fight for happiness.

Since the 70's, when the feminist movement really took off, stay-at-home mothers have been viewed completely differently. No longer was it the typical, accepted, view of the female role. It now was a woman giving up her life for a man. Surrendering her own self for others. Blah Blah Blah. And many people stopped accepting a "house-wife" as an acceptable job.

If a 17 year girl went to the career counselor and told him/her that all they wanted to be was a housewife, what would the career counselor say?

If I said that all I really wanted to do was be a wife and a mother, what would you say? If I said that all I want is to have dinner ready on the table when my husband gets home, what would you say? If I said that all I really want to do is stay at home and raise the children, clean the house, and cook the food, what would you say?

Am I giving up, or selling my self short, or what?

Honestly, this is ALL I know I want to do. This is it. I want to be a good wife, and an excellent mother. That's absolutely it. That is all I want to do. And with our current "feminist movement", it has been so hard to accept it.

I keep thinking I have to go to school, get a degree and become something. But, I know that no matter what I get a degree in and how happy I am with my job, I will give it up as soon as I have kids. And it's not that I would "give it up", it's that I would want too! I wouldn't view it as "giving it up" I would view it as doing something different. Doing something that I have to do, and want to do.

And I am not saying that, that is what I want to do NOW. I'm not saying that I want to grow up RIGHT NOW, get married and have kids. Because that is silly. I'm still a kid myself. I'm just saying that, that is all I want to do someday.

And, I don't view it as giving up. And, I don't view it as selling myself short. I just know that is who I am, and all that I want. I just don't know what I want to do until then.

The most important thing to me has always been my family, and I have always been great at taking care of them. That is all I want to do.

I'm not fighting for equality exactly, I'm just fighting for the right to do what I want to do without discrimination. I'm looking for people to accept the fact that I want to be a housewife, and not look down on it. Not think that I am selling myself short. I'm not looking for feminist equality, I'm looking for you to accept my happiness.

Procrastinating

The idea of procrastination has been crossing my mind lately. What exactly consists of being a procrastinator, and when does it cross the line into something else?

Through out school, I have definatly been a giant procrastinator. Putting of a ten page paper to the night before. I finished my ENTIRE senior project the week it was due. I am definatly a procrastinator. But, I think it crosses the line when your act of procrastination actually affects other people's outcomes. Finishing the paper the night before, or finishing a project the day of is one thing, because they only affect your own outcome. If things go wrong, only you will be the one with the bad grade. But, when your procrastination ends up involving another person, that is not procrastinating, that is just selfish laziness. Your own laziness ends up affecting someone elses outcome.

I think the term "procrastinator" has become a very relax term, and a term that people seem to not use correctly. It has the conotation to be almost comical as well, "hahaha, yea...i didn't even start my paper yet, I'm such a procrastinator". And in fact procrastination is almost comical, when someone else is screwing themselves over. BUT, it is not comical, nor is it procrastination when your own selfish act is actually screwing someone else over as well. Just something I have been thinking about lately. So before you start to put something off, please consider: does this involve someone else? If it does, the please, consider again. If you keep putting it off for your own selfish laziness, then please consider never getting married or having kids, because you are obviously not a team player.

Thanks very much for listening, I will get back to work now.