2011 is finally here, and I can't believe it. It seems like last year just came and went so fast. Last year was such an absolutly eventfull and life-changing year. It was absolutly crazy. I moved up in my job, started going back to school, stopped school, went to Europe on my own, lived almost a full year with a long-term boyfriend, had a 5 year aniversary, ended a 5 year relationship, became single for the first time, moved back with my mom, experienced my first heart ache, and so much more. It has been a revelation. 2010 has been eye-opening and crazy. I am determined to make 2011 a fresh-start.
2011 is my year. It is all about me. I don't have to worry about anyone else. It's my time, my year, and I am absolutly determined to make it amazing. This will be the first time in my life that I am absolutly, truely, on my own. I can make my OWN decisions, for MYSELF, and truely figure out what I really want.
And, what I really want, is for things to be different.
I feel like I am a new person, with new goals, and I want a new life. I am starting fresh. In this new year, I want to be able to let go of all the things that were holding me back (or was it just me holding me back?), and embrace what I truely want.
Today, I went to Church. For the first time in about 10 years. I loved it. Absolutly, 100% loved it. It has been something I have been wanting to do for years, but I never got the courage to do it. I figured, what would be a better time to start going to church, then the first sunday in the new year. So, I went. And what do you know, the sermon was perfect! It was about letting go of anything negative in your life, and embracing the positive. It was absolutly perfect. We did a "burning bowl" ceromony. You wrote down what you wanted to release and then you put it in a bowl, and lit it on fire! HA! And that way it was gone. It was so relieving. I just felt like when I lit it on fire, that part of me was gone. It was so inspirational, and I went on the rest of the service with a new light.
I got from the church service, exactly what I wanted.
Except, for one aspect: There was no one my own age there.
I know church isn't supposed to be about socializing, however; it really would be nice to meet people my own age, who are perhaps going through the same experience as me, and maybe want to grow with me in God? I think it helps to have someone your own age to talk about things too, and grown with you, rather then just a bunch of "mentors".
So, I have an idea, and I honestly want your opinion. Let me know if I sound crazy. I really enjoy the church I am going to (Unity), and want to continue to go there, but I really feel like I need to be around people of my own age and background as well in order to really feel a spiritiual connection and be able to grow. So, I found a youth program at a different church that I was thinking about going to (Elevate). Is it strange to go to one church, and yet, go to a different church for a youth program? Is it strange to not quite fill complete at one church just because there are not people my own age?
I am new to this church thing, and I need guidance. I need guidance, and that is why I am going to church.
It's weird, I am trying to be this new individual, single, person and yet, I am so nervous thinking about going to this "elevate" youth group, alone! I wish I had someone who would go with me. And yet, maybe I should do this on my own, just to get the full benefit of "doing something on my own"? I don't know.
I'm crazy, I'm insane, and I have no idea who I am. I need to find myself, I need guidance. And most of all, I need sleep. Oh, the tales of an insomniac.
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