Moving Out and Moving On

This last weekend I finally moved. I'm moving out, and moving on. I moved into my first apartment of my very own. It is absolutly brilliant. I love it so much. It's cute, it's purple, it's girly, it's me, and it is all mine! I am ten times happier now that I live on my own, then I was before, when I was just at my moms. I feel like everything is finally starting to move forward rather then move backward. I'm starting to make steps forward, and move on with my life. I know everything is only going to go up from here.

I'm finally starting to live life for me, and not "us". I'm making decisions on my own that will only effect me, and will help ME out in the future. I'm becomeing more me, then I have ever been. And guess what, I am pretty awesome? I love getting to know myself better. And man, I love me.

Ron Weasley

Announcing My Engagement:

I am going to marry Ron Weasley someday. I'm in love! I was even in love with him in the books. And picking hotty mchot (Rupert Grint) to play him in the movies was just a genius choice. Red heads are hot!

The Tales of an Insomniac

I thought I would jot down everything I am thinking, because I can't sleep. Lately I have becomet he worst insomniac in the world, I just stay up all night thinking and thinking and thinking, about absolutly everything that can go on in my mind. So, tonight, I thought I would try something, I thought I would just vent, and get it out, and see if maybe that would help clear my mind and finally allow me to sleep.

2011 is finally here, and I can't believe it. It seems like last year just came and went so fast. Last year was such an absolutly eventfull and life-changing year. It was absolutly crazy. I moved up in my job, started going back to school, stopped school, went to Europe on my own, lived almost a full year with a long-term boyfriend, had a 5 year aniversary, ended a 5 year relationship, became single for the first time, moved back with my mom, experienced my first heart ache, and so much more. It has been a revelation. 2010 has been eye-opening and crazy. I am determined to make 2011 a fresh-start.

2011 is my year. It is all about me. I don't have to worry about anyone else. It's my time, my year, and I am absolutly determined to make it amazing. This will be the first time in my life that I am absolutly, truely, on my own. I can make my OWN decisions, for MYSELF, and truely figure out what I really want.

And, what I really want, is for things to be different.

I feel like I am a new person, with new goals, and I want a new life. I am starting fresh. In this new year, I want to be able to let go of all the things that were holding me back (or was it just me holding me back?), and embrace what I truely want.

Today, I went to Church. For the first time in about 10 years. I loved it. Absolutly, 100% loved it. It has been something I have been wanting to do for years, but I never got the courage to do it. I figured, what would be a better time to start going to church, then the first sunday in the new year. So, I went. And what do you know, the sermon was perfect! It was about letting go of anything negative in your life, and embracing the positive. It was absolutly perfect. We did a "burning bowl" ceromony. You wrote down what you wanted to release and then you put it in a bowl, and lit it on fire! HA! And that way it was gone. It was so relieving. I just felt like when I lit it on fire, that part of me was gone. It was so inspirational, and I went on the rest of the service with a new light.

I got from the church service, exactly what I wanted.

Except, for one aspect: There was no one my own age there.

I know church isn't supposed to be about socializing, however; it really would be nice to meet people my own age, who are perhaps going through the same experience as me, and maybe want to grow with me in God? I think it helps to have someone your own age to talk about things too, and grown with you, rather then just a bunch of "mentors".

So, I have an idea, and I honestly want your opinion. Let me know if I sound crazy. I really enjoy the church I am going to (Unity), and want to continue to go there, but I really feel like I need to be around people of my own age and background as well in order to really feel a spiritiual connection and be able to grow. So, I found a youth program at a different church that I was thinking about going to (Elevate). Is it strange to go to one church, and yet, go to a different church for a youth program? Is it strange to not quite fill complete at one church just because there are not people my own age?

I am new to this church thing, and I need guidance. I need guidance, and that is why I am going to church.

It's weird, I am trying to be this new individual, single, person and yet, I am so nervous thinking about going to this "elevate" youth group, alone! I wish I had someone who would go with me. And yet, maybe I should do this on my own, just to get the full benefit of "doing something on my own"? I don't know.

I'm crazy, I'm insane, and I have no idea who I am. I need to find myself, I need guidance. And most of all, I need sleep. Oh, the tales of an insomniac.