Finding Myself

I actually wrote this in my diary a couple of days ago, because my internet wasn't working. Thought that you may want to hear it. I don't know. Enjoy!

When I was younger, all I wanted to do was be a writer. I wanted to write books, stories, screenplays, whatever. As I grew up, that dream got kind of lost as my logical mind gave into reality. I grew up, fell into a depression, fell into puberty, and lost my dreams.What happend to the dreams of the past? That girl who used to write hundreds of stories, and hundreds of poems. Forever I thought this girl was lost--like my unfortunate poetry book (god rest its soul). Not only that, but I thought I wouldn't miss it. The fact is, I do mis her.But all is not lost.

I have this list. A life list of things I want to do in my life: things to keep my thriving, and going forward. Things such as: Visit Germany, See a brodway play, be ultimately happy. Do you know what is at the top of my list? "to finish writing a novel". Its on my l ist, always has been. The other day as I was going through my things, I found my list. I found an essence of the youth I had lost. At the time I shrugged it off and laughed. Later, I read my list to Josh. He listend more conently then ever, as I listed the things I want to do in my life."I never knew you wanted to be a writer?" Josh stated. Thats when it really hit me. When I was younger that would be the fist thing I would say when I described myself. "I am a writer", I would say trimphantly--like I had already written hundreds of best sellers. And now, the person that I am closest too didn't even know I wanted to write. I relayed back to him about me and my writing when I was youger. And how I realy don't write much anymore. "Why don't you write anymore?" He asked."I really don't know" was all I could think of. I have been writing a lot since then. Just dumb little stories in my diary and such. I really can't think of a good reason not to write. I just sit and write. I am actually thinking of ideas for novels agian. I then relay my ideas to Josh (as I get realy excited about them) and he just smiles and thinks I am cute--not knowing how much he has actually helped me. Its strange how one comment can change your life. How in one comment you can find a piece of yourself, or recover a peice of your identity.I used to think that by falling in love so young I wouldn't be able to grow and find myself, but now I am starting to relize that he is a part of me. H has this way of helping me find who I am, and not just growing as a couple, but also, growing as an individual. Finding myself.