...I'll be getting married!!! It's so crazy to think about. It feels so "grown up"...and yet, I still don't feel like an adult.
It's been about 2 weeks since we have officially moved in together, and things couldn't be going any better. It makes me so happy to come home and know it's "our place". I know that he'll be home soon, and we can be together. This is mine, this is his, and this is ours. Finally, a place to call our own.
I never thought it was this fun sharing.
Friday, May 31, 2013
Tuesday, May 21, 2013
Wednesday, May 1, 2013
I wish all problems were child sized
I can handle children problems like no bodies business...but when it comes to adult problems, that's another story. When I get too stressed out, I just want to sit in a ball and cry myself to sleep. Honestly, that's the only way I know how to handle myself in a truly stressful situation.
That's what I feel like doing right now. Actually, about 5 seconds ago I was. I lay curled up in my bed, crying as hard as I could. Nothing is wrong with me, my life is pretty good actually, but I just can't handle how parents don't know how to take care of themselves. How did they go through an entire childhood taking care of us, then grow up to not know how to do anything? It simply makes no sense.
My dad is going to get evicted. Case and point...there is no stopping it. It is for no other reason besides the fact that he is lazy and a procrastinator. He has had since the beginning of the year to find somewhere new, but no, he is still in the same spot. He just keeps getting extensions But the fact of the matter is, those extensions are going to stop at some point. And you know what is going to happen? I'm going to see him on the curb, begging for money. Because he wont help himself, or let me help him. He wont do anything besides let things just run their course. He could have so much, but instead he is letting himself go. And I can't.
It would break my heart to see him on the side of the road, but that's where all the signs point too. And he wont stop it. I don't even know what to do anymore. There is no way to talk any sense into him.
So meanwhile, I just lay here...night after night, having these awful nightmares of my father not getting help and being all alone. It's awful. There's nothing I can do, and if there were, I have no time to do it...or the money. Because, I have to take care of myself too.
Then, when I finally feel like I can make it through the night...J gets taken away from me because his parents have no idea how to take care of themselves either. We both know they are too dependent on him, but what are you supposed to do? They are your parents, so you have to tend to their beck and call regardless. You love them, and they love you. It's family, no matter what's wrong...you have to try and fix it.
But it still sucks.
This is why I want to move away. I know moving away from your problems doesn't fix it...but it would at least give me time to focus on myself for like 10 minuets. That's all I want. I want to focus on me, I want to focus on the wedding, and me moving, and my career. But every time I think I feel like things are working out...things just pile up and fall down. Crash and burn.
I just wish I could solve adult problems as easy as I could solve kid problems. But, I guess they aren't as easy to solve.
That's what I feel like doing right now. Actually, about 5 seconds ago I was. I lay curled up in my bed, crying as hard as I could. Nothing is wrong with me, my life is pretty good actually, but I just can't handle how parents don't know how to take care of themselves. How did they go through an entire childhood taking care of us, then grow up to not know how to do anything? It simply makes no sense.
My dad is going to get evicted. Case and point...there is no stopping it. It is for no other reason besides the fact that he is lazy and a procrastinator. He has had since the beginning of the year to find somewhere new, but no, he is still in the same spot. He just keeps getting extensions But the fact of the matter is, those extensions are going to stop at some point. And you know what is going to happen? I'm going to see him on the curb, begging for money. Because he wont help himself, or let me help him. He wont do anything besides let things just run their course. He could have so much, but instead he is letting himself go. And I can't.
It would break my heart to see him on the side of the road, but that's where all the signs point too. And he wont stop it. I don't even know what to do anymore. There is no way to talk any sense into him.
So meanwhile, I just lay here...night after night, having these awful nightmares of my father not getting help and being all alone. It's awful. There's nothing I can do, and if there were, I have no time to do it...or the money. Because, I have to take care of myself too.
Then, when I finally feel like I can make it through the night...J gets taken away from me because his parents have no idea how to take care of themselves either. We both know they are too dependent on him, but what are you supposed to do? They are your parents, so you have to tend to their beck and call regardless. You love them, and they love you. It's family, no matter what's wrong...you have to try and fix it.
But it still sucks.
This is why I want to move away. I know moving away from your problems doesn't fix it...but it would at least give me time to focus on myself for like 10 minuets. That's all I want. I want to focus on me, I want to focus on the wedding, and me moving, and my career. But every time I think I feel like things are working out...things just pile up and fall down. Crash and burn.
I just wish I could solve adult problems as easy as I could solve kid problems. But, I guess they aren't as easy to solve.
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