When I was getting ready in the locker room at the gym yesterday I overhead a conversation between two slightly overweight women,"Oh, I don't think I'm going to work out today because my pants are a little loose", the other one responds, "Well, if you aren't going to work out then neither am I". They both started laughing, and talking about other things, but then left and didn't work out. This is not the first time I've seen them there, and not working out. Everyday there is a new excuse why they shouldn't, and that they will soon. I always over hear the conversation, and it just makes me feel sad.

Whenever I am at the gym I never look at someone overweight and think, "Gross". I always think, "Good for them!"...or I don't even notice them at all because I am busy working out. It makes me feel sad that people have such low self-confidence that they refuse to even try and better themselves for fear of embarrassment. I feel like these girls I hear in the locker room are only coming up with excuses, rather then trying something out that will make them feel better in the long run. I wish I had the courage to go up to them and tell them they are beautiful. I wish I could tell them that they don't need to fear the gym. The gym will only make them feel better in the long run, no one will make fun of you, and you will look as awesome as you feel.

Instead of saying anything, I mindlessly overhear their conversations and say nothing. But for anyone out there reading it, that needs that extra boost....YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL! Working out shouldn't be a chore, or something you are afraid of. Once you go for a few days...you will get over the fear. You will feel more confident, and better then you ever have felt. Every day you go you will feel better. And as you lose weight, gain muscle, and feel more fit, your confidence will only go up. Everyone is beautiful at all different sizes. The gym isn't about looking like a Barbie, it's about feeling happy with the body you have. It's about looking and ultimately feeling better. No one is going to make fun of someone that feels great.

You are beautiful.

Only 3 more...

We only have 3 more schools to hear from. Only 3 more places we could potentially live. I am getting used to the fact of staying in Bellingham, but I'm still excited about leaving. I've lived here my whole life, I know everyone...it would be good to get out, at least once.

I was driving home the other day and there was road work. Instead of taking the detour that the construction crew already laid out, I went my own way. I know the roads around here just as well (if not better) then them. It would be weird to go somewhere I don't know. I'll have to live off of directions for a while, and not know where I am. I could potentially live in a new climate. I could live somewhere where you wear sandals all the time, and rain is a treat.

It would be fun, it would be weird, it would be exciting. And, it might not happen. I'm staying positive for change, but the fact that we might stay here brings enough change that it's okay. We'll still move (downtown), I'll live with a boy, buy new furniture, start planning a wedding, and start a new life. It will still be fun...and either way, I'm excited.

Only 3 more....

Happy New Year, New Changes, New Life

Well, Happy New Year everyone! I can't believe it's already March. It's funny how fast time flies. So far, 2013 has been an exciting one. It's a year full of big changes, and a begining of a new life. I'm excited for this year and the years to come. I'm excited for life, and I am happy where I am.

The biggest change so far happend only a few days ago: I'M ENGAGED! I'm so excited and happy! I honestly couldn't be happier. It is the best feeling in the world to be loved, and even better to know you are loved in return. I'm so happy that I found the love of my life, and I get to enjoy a whole lifetime with him by my side. He is the best man I could have possilbly dreamed of, and I am so excited to be his wife one day. 

The Proposal: 

It all happened a few days ago when I got home from work. I was just getting out of the shower when he came over. He told me to hurry up and get dressed because he had something for me. I thought this was a little weird because, let's be honest, when does a man ever WANT their woman to get dressed? But, I obliged and he went to get my gift. He came back shortly with a huge box. I was excited! He told me that it was his late Valentines day gift, and I believed him because he hadn't gotten me an actual gift for Valentines day. So I opened the box, and inside was a smaller box, and a smaller one...and so on. I was laughing, and very curious what would be in the smaller boxes. When it got to the end all that was inside was a pair of shamrock socks and a half eaten bag of sixlets. I laughed, shrugged, and said thank you. I have to be honest, I was a little bummed that that was the WHOLE gift. But I still said thank you and started to clean up the mess. As I was cleaning up I turned around and he was down on his knees holding the ring and said, "Oh, and I also want you to marry me". The first thing out of my mouth was, "Oh it's so shiny and pretty!!!" hahahaha, then he said, "So I guess that's a yes?" and of course I said "Yes!"

I couldn't be happier with the ring he chose either. It's white gold, with an aquamarine stone, and two diamonds on either side. All the filigree on the sides is amazing. I can't stop looking at it. I have never seen such an unique ring. He told me he had to get something as unique as I am, and I think he got it!

So now, I am officially getting married! That's the first big step that this year has brought on. We haven't set a date yet, and we have no idea when that will actually happen. But it's fun to know that he will always be in my future. I don't have my plans anymore just "ours". And I couldn't be happier about it. 

The main reason we can't set a date now though, is the fact that we are still waiting for him to hear back from his schools. He applied to ELEVEN different graduate programs across the country. We are still waiting to hear back from them. Depending on where he gets in (praying that he makes it), that's going to decide where we will be moving too. All of them are out of Washington State, so if he gets in we will be moving. We have a few more to hear back from. 

That's the big change that will actually happen this year! If (when) he gets into a college we will pack our bags and move across country. I'm scared and excited. I've never lived anywhere else before, but I am so excited to start a new life with my fiance. 

Of course I have to plan for if he doesn't get in, and that is what we are talking about as well. Even with that, there will still be big changes. We will move in together, and actually start planning a wedding! So, regardless...I can already see this being the year of change. And I couldn't be more excited to start it all. 

I'm in love with my life, and I am in love with the new life I am beginning. I couldn't be more excited to see what is in store for me in the future.

Next year, Christmas will be mine...

This year. I feel nothing. No Christmas cheer, no holiday maddness. Nothing. I'm so stressed out trying to get everything settled, that that's all I can think of. I can't just relax and enjoy the season. I'm right up in the middle of everything, trying to make everyone else happy. This means, that I get to sacrifice my own happiness.

I really hope everyone else is happy this Christmas. Because next Christmas, it's mine. This year everyone else can be happy, next year...fuck them all. I'm taking Christmas back for myself and being joyful and jolly damn it!

Early Christmas Present

SOMEBODY couldn't wait until Christmas, and gave me his present early :) He's setting it up for me and everything! I can't wait to actually own my own computer! All I have ever owned is my Macbook, Laptop...and now I will actually own a real computer. With enough oooomph to actually do stuff on. I can play Sims AND watch movies at the same time! hahaha, you know...it's the important things in life that matter ;) hahah...I'm just so excited!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Some people don't have family, or don't know parts. They don't know their real dad, or their mom abandonded them. And yes, every family is crazy. But, I am so blessed to have the family I have now.
I am so thankfull this thanksgiving to not just have one family, but to have three. I get to celebrate thanksgiving 3 times! One today, one tomorrow, and one on saturday.

I am so thankfull that I met "J" over a year ago and his whole family has welcomed me in with open arms. Not only have I been blessed with my own family, but now I have been welcomed into a new one. They have accepted me and loved me like one of their own, and I am so happy I get to spend of my thanksgivings with his wondeful family.

Secondly, I am thankful for the family I was born into. I have amazing parents, and even though they divorced they have managed to still create two welcoming and inviting homes. Both of my parents are such beautiful and amazing people and I am so happy to call them mine.

I am not only blessed to have these families, but I am so lucky to have the step family I do. I already have an amazing father, but I am so lucky to have an amazing step father as well. He has come in and made our family complete. Bringing in his family and just adding it to our already loving family. Some people don't even know their dad, and I am so lukcy to have two.

This year I am not just thankful to have my family, but I am thankful to have as much as I do. I am so blessed to have so many kind and amazing people in my life. I feel so happy to call all of these beautiful  people my family, and I am so thankfull to spend three wonderful days with these people.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone. I hope you are amazing and as blessed as I feel right now. Love you all.

Life sucks, then you die.

I find I don't write as often when I am happy. My blogs stay empty and I have less wisdom to share. Overall, life is great. I see a forward, backward, and an end. Life just keeps moving forward, and for the first time in a while, I finally feel like I'm on the track.

Nothing really has happend, I guess I've just grown up and learned to accept the challenges I face. Honestly, the biggest moral I have found is, "Life Sucks, then you die". That's the motto I tell myself all the time. I think a lot of people might see this as a negative, but how can you ever see a feeling as something bad. If life sucks, then doesn't that mean you felt something? Living life as a empty blob would be worse then having an awful life, right?

And honestly, sometimes life simply does suck. And then when you think life can't get worse, it does. Sometimes you want to cry so hard, and punch everything in sight. And sometimes you do. And then, it's over. The bad stuff is gone, and good things happen again.

Right now, I feel like I'm the up part of the rollercoster, and it just keeps moving up. Soon I know I'll have to reach the top and fall again. But for now, I'll just go on and ride the ride in happiness.

But, just as a warning. I get motion sick.