I hate to start out blogs with some vague fact that isn't relevant to everyone. Some statement like, "There are times in your life..." blah blah blah. But I can't figure out a better way to start writing sometimes rather then using an irrelevant fact.
Some facts are true, but only to yourself. My fact of the day: There are times in your life when the clouds part, and the sun shines, and everything just seems to be going wonderful. Everything in my life right now seems to be going just absolutely perfect: life is groovy. The weird thing though is that “perfect” in reality isn’t so perfect, but it feels perfect. Is that confusing?
The truth. I am majoring in a degree I don’t know I want, I don’t have a job, and I have no idea where my future is going. But, suddenly I am excited to find out where it is all going to go. I think my real future isn’t finding the end result, but venturing on the path it takes me. Yes, most of the time I am still completely terrified to grow up--still afraid that I am going to make the wrong choices--but I am also completely excited to find out.
How can you not be excited to live when your life is so great?And how can life not seem so perfect, when such a perfect person is in it? A person who every time he sees me says things like, “Its so great to see you” (when its only been a few hours) “Your so beautiful” (when I have my P.J’s on) and “Why am I so lucky?” (when really I am the lucky one). How can life not seem so perfect when I know that somewhere I am wanted and needed by someone?
There are days when I still feel low--like the clouds are never going to part--but I think those days are normal. And luckily, those days are becoming less and less, and slowly but surely, the weather seems to be all blue sunny skies.
Monday, February 5, 2007
Saturday, December 16, 2006
Sunday, November 26, 2006
Finding Myself
I actually wrote this in my diary a couple of days ago, because my internet wasn't working. Thought that you may want to hear it. I don't know. Enjoy!
When I was younger, all I wanted to do was be a writer. I wanted to write books, stories, screenplays, whatever. As I grew up, that dream got kind of lost as my logical mind gave into reality. I grew up, fell into a depression, fell into puberty, and lost my dreams.What happend to the dreams of the past? That girl who used to write hundreds of stories, and hundreds of poems. Forever I thought this girl was lost--like my unfortunate poetry book (god rest its soul). Not only that, but I thought I wouldn't miss it. The fact is, I do mis her.But all is not lost.
I have this list. A life list of things I want to do in my life: things to keep my thriving, and going forward. Things such as: Visit Germany, See a brodway play, be ultimately happy. Do you know what is at the top of my list? "to finish writing a novel". Its on my l ist, always has been. The other day as I was going through my things, I found my list. I found an essence of the youth I had lost. At the time I shrugged it off and laughed. Later, I read my list to Josh. He listend more conently then ever, as I listed the things I want to do in my life."I never knew you wanted to be a writer?" Josh stated. Thats when it really hit me. When I was younger that would be the fist thing I would say when I described myself. "I am a writer", I would say trimphantly--like I had already written hundreds of best sellers. And now, the person that I am closest too didn't even know I wanted to write. I relayed back to him about me and my writing when I was youger. And how I realy don't write much anymore. "Why don't you write anymore?" He asked."I really don't know" was all I could think of. I have been writing a lot since then. Just dumb little stories in my diary and such. I really can't think of a good reason not to write. I just sit and write. I am actually thinking of ideas for novels agian. I then relay my ideas to Josh (as I get realy excited about them) and he just smiles and thinks I am cute--not knowing how much he has actually helped me. Its strange how one comment can change your life. How in one comment you can find a piece of yourself, or recover a peice of your identity.I used to think that by falling in love so young I wouldn't be able to grow and find myself, but now I am starting to relize that he is a part of me. H has this way of helping me find who I am, and not just growing as a couple, but also, growing as an individual. Finding myself.
When I was younger, all I wanted to do was be a writer. I wanted to write books, stories, screenplays, whatever. As I grew up, that dream got kind of lost as my logical mind gave into reality. I grew up, fell into a depression, fell into puberty, and lost my dreams.What happend to the dreams of the past? That girl who used to write hundreds of stories, and hundreds of poems. Forever I thought this girl was lost--like my unfortunate poetry book (god rest its soul). Not only that, but I thought I wouldn't miss it. The fact is, I do mis her.But all is not lost.
I have this list. A life list of things I want to do in my life: things to keep my thriving, and going forward. Things such as: Visit Germany, See a brodway play, be ultimately happy. Do you know what is at the top of my list? "to finish writing a novel". Its on my l ist, always has been. The other day as I was going through my things, I found my list. I found an essence of the youth I had lost. At the time I shrugged it off and laughed. Later, I read my list to Josh. He listend more conently then ever, as I listed the things I want to do in my life."I never knew you wanted to be a writer?" Josh stated. Thats when it really hit me. When I was younger that would be the fist thing I would say when I described myself. "I am a writer", I would say trimphantly--like I had already written hundreds of best sellers. And now, the person that I am closest too didn't even know I wanted to write. I relayed back to him about me and my writing when I was youger. And how I realy don't write much anymore. "Why don't you write anymore?" He asked."I really don't know" was all I could think of. I have been writing a lot since then. Just dumb little stories in my diary and such. I really can't think of a good reason not to write. I just sit and write. I am actually thinking of ideas for novels agian. I then relay my ideas to Josh (as I get realy excited about them) and he just smiles and thinks I am cute--not knowing how much he has actually helped me. Its strange how one comment can change your life. How in one comment you can find a piece of yourself, or recover a peice of your identity.I used to think that by falling in love so young I wouldn't be able to grow and find myself, but now I am starting to relize that he is a part of me. H has this way of helping me find who I am, and not just growing as a couple, but also, growing as an individual. Finding myself.
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