Happy New Year, New Changes, New Life

Well, Happy New Year everyone! I can't believe it's already March. It's funny how fast time flies. So far, 2013 has been an exciting one. It's a year full of big changes, and a begining of a new life. I'm excited for this year and the years to come. I'm excited for life, and I am happy where I am.

The biggest change so far happend only a few days ago: I'M ENGAGED! I'm so excited and happy! I honestly couldn't be happier. It is the best feeling in the world to be loved, and even better to know you are loved in return. I'm so happy that I found the love of my life, and I get to enjoy a whole lifetime with him by my side. He is the best man I could have possilbly dreamed of, and I am so excited to be his wife one day. 

The Proposal: 

It all happened a few days ago when I got home from work. I was just getting out of the shower when he came over. He told me to hurry up and get dressed because he had something for me. I thought this was a little weird because, let's be honest, when does a man ever WANT their woman to get dressed? But, I obliged and he went to get my gift. He came back shortly with a huge box. I was excited! He told me that it was his late Valentines day gift, and I believed him because he hadn't gotten me an actual gift for Valentines day. So I opened the box, and inside was a smaller box, and a smaller one...and so on. I was laughing, and very curious what would be in the smaller boxes. When it got to the end all that was inside was a pair of shamrock socks and a half eaten bag of sixlets. I laughed, shrugged, and said thank you. I have to be honest, I was a little bummed that that was the WHOLE gift. But I still said thank you and started to clean up the mess. As I was cleaning up I turned around and he was down on his knees holding the ring and said, "Oh, and I also want you to marry me". The first thing out of my mouth was, "Oh it's so shiny and pretty!!!" hahahaha, then he said, "So I guess that's a yes?" and of course I said "Yes!"

I couldn't be happier with the ring he chose either. It's white gold, with an aquamarine stone, and two diamonds on either side. All the filigree on the sides is amazing. I can't stop looking at it. I have never seen such an unique ring. He told me he had to get something as unique as I am, and I think he got it!

So now, I am officially getting married! That's the first big step that this year has brought on. We haven't set a date yet, and we have no idea when that will actually happen. But it's fun to know that he will always be in my future. I don't have my plans anymore just "ours". And I couldn't be happier about it. 

The main reason we can't set a date now though, is the fact that we are still waiting for him to hear back from his schools. He applied to ELEVEN different graduate programs across the country. We are still waiting to hear back from them. Depending on where he gets in (praying that he makes it), that's going to decide where we will be moving too. All of them are out of Washington State, so if he gets in we will be moving. We have a few more to hear back from. 

That's the big change that will actually happen this year! If (when) he gets into a college we will pack our bags and move across country. I'm scared and excited. I've never lived anywhere else before, but I am so excited to start a new life with my fiance. 

Of course I have to plan for if he doesn't get in, and that is what we are talking about as well. Even with that, there will still be big changes. We will move in together, and actually start planning a wedding! So, regardless...I can already see this being the year of change. And I couldn't be more excited to start it all. 

I'm in love with my life, and I am in love with the new life I am beginning. I couldn't be more excited to see what is in store for me in the future.

Next year, Christmas will be mine...

This year. I feel nothing. No Christmas cheer, no holiday maddness. Nothing. I'm so stressed out trying to get everything settled, that that's all I can think of. I can't just relax and enjoy the season. I'm right up in the middle of everything, trying to make everyone else happy. This means, that I get to sacrifice my own happiness.

I really hope everyone else is happy this Christmas. Because next Christmas, it's mine. This year everyone else can be happy, next year...fuck them all. I'm taking Christmas back for myself and being joyful and jolly damn it!

Early Christmas Present

SOMEBODY couldn't wait until Christmas, and gave me his present early :) He's setting it up for me and everything! I can't wait to actually own my own computer! All I have ever owned is my Macbook, Laptop...and now I will actually own a real computer. With enough oooomph to actually do stuff on. I can play Sims AND watch movies at the same time! hahaha, you know...it's the important things in life that matter ;) hahah...I'm just so excited!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Some people don't have family, or don't know parts. They don't know their real dad, or their mom abandonded them. And yes, every family is crazy. But, I am so blessed to have the family I have now.
I am so thankfull this thanksgiving to not just have one family, but to have three. I get to celebrate thanksgiving 3 times! One today, one tomorrow, and one on saturday.

I am so thankfull that I met "J" over a year ago and his whole family has welcomed me in with open arms. Not only have I been blessed with my own family, but now I have been welcomed into a new one. They have accepted me and loved me like one of their own, and I am so happy I get to spend of my thanksgivings with his wondeful family.

Secondly, I am thankful for the family I was born into. I have amazing parents, and even though they divorced they have managed to still create two welcoming and inviting homes. Both of my parents are such beautiful and amazing people and I am so happy to call them mine.

I am not only blessed to have these families, but I am so lucky to have the step family I do. I already have an amazing father, but I am so lucky to have an amazing step father as well. He has come in and made our family complete. Bringing in his family and just adding it to our already loving family. Some people don't even know their dad, and I am so lukcy to have two.

This year I am not just thankful to have my family, but I am thankful to have as much as I do. I am so blessed to have so many kind and amazing people in my life. I feel so happy to call all of these beautiful  people my family, and I am so thankfull to spend three wonderful days with these people.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone. I hope you are amazing and as blessed as I feel right now. Love you all.

Life sucks, then you die.

I find I don't write as often when I am happy. My blogs stay empty and I have less wisdom to share. Overall, life is great. I see a forward, backward, and an end. Life just keeps moving forward, and for the first time in a while, I finally feel like I'm on the track.

Nothing really has happend, I guess I've just grown up and learned to accept the challenges I face. Honestly, the biggest moral I have found is, "Life Sucks, then you die". That's the motto I tell myself all the time. I think a lot of people might see this as a negative, but how can you ever see a feeling as something bad. If life sucks, then doesn't that mean you felt something? Living life as a empty blob would be worse then having an awful life, right?

And honestly, sometimes life simply does suck. And then when you think life can't get worse, it does. Sometimes you want to cry so hard, and punch everything in sight. And sometimes you do. And then, it's over. The bad stuff is gone, and good things happen again.

Right now, I feel like I'm the up part of the rollercoster, and it just keeps moving up. Soon I know I'll have to reach the top and fall again. But for now, I'll just go on and ride the ride in happiness.

But, just as a warning. I get motion sick.

Preschool Momment

 It was early in the morning and there was only one little boy in my preschool class. He was quietly reading a book to himself, so I began to work on a project. Since it was just him and I quietly in the room, and he was reading, I felt it was a good time to work on a project I had been needing to do for a while.

I sat there quietly cutting and gluing when I heard little footsteps next to me. He placed an empty cup down and said, "Here is your coffee!" I said, "Oh thank you *Frankie*, I was really needing a cup of coffee this morning." and I took a pretend sip out of the cup. He quickly left and I got back to my project.

Moments later I heard more footsteps next to me. He started to shake a fake spice into my drink, "Here's some cinnamon" and quickly left. Again, he returned with another item for my coffee. This time he had a cup and began to pour a pretend substance into my "coffee." "And here is some cream Ms. Amber". "Thank you!" I told him, "You make the best coffee!"

For the rest of the morning he followed me around and made sure I had my coffee with me. I would move from one side of the classroom to another and he would carry my coffee for me.

Some days, I love my job.

I want to be a cat....

A funny thing about life: No matter how good it is going in all other aspects, we always seem to focus on the one part of life that isn't going as well. It has gotten to the time of year where the seasonal depression starts to set in. I thought this was always caused my the sudden change from warm to cold weather in the PNW, however; (with the long/warm summer) I'm starting to realize it is just what happens at the end of September. And this is when I dwell on the bad, rather then revel in all the good.

I could be a millionaire, swimming in a pool full of money, with a million friends, the love of my life, great kids, and amazing house/family/job/dog etc. But I would most likely complain about the chip in my favorite mug. I think that's normal. Why complain about good things when you can complain about bad things? It's more fun right?

My romantic life is fantastic, I have the best roommate a girl could ask for, and I have a job. I make enough money that I can pay my bills, save, and afford the pay off some of my debts. But, I still like complaining.

Lately the bad parts of my life are consuming me. And it's all that I can do to not cry out and tell everyone to just "Fuck Off". I have this attitude of wanting to be alone. No one is good enough for me. I'm too awesome for everyone else.

I just want to curl into my bed like a cat. Better yet...I want to be a cat. I want to curl into a lap and cuddle all day long. I want someone I love to pet me, take care of me, and call me their baby. I want to relax and stop worrying about stupid stuff that doesn't matter. I want to poop whenever I want and not have to hold it until the end of the work day. FEED ME! PICK UP MY POOP! PET ME! I want to be a cat.