Sunday, July 22, 2012

Saturday, July 7, 2012

Back to the old...

I think I am finally back to the real me. It took a while to get back to good, but here I am: just as annoying as ever.

It's funny how you can drift away from the real you for a while, but somehow you always find your way back. This last little while I have been trying to find myself by trying so many new things, but it turns out I liked who I was from the start. But, I'm glad I tried it all out because now I know how truly awesome I have always been.

I tried going to church: that's just not me.
I tried not drinking at all: that's just not me.
I tried dating multiple people: thank god, that's not me.
I tried not joking around as much, and being nicer: surprisingly, got into more arguments by being nice.

I've tried so many things, only to find that I had it right all along.

So here I am! Back to who I always was. I'm the girl that farts whenever she wants, talks about poop at the table, and will tell you point blank that you are being an asshole. I swear, and burp, and pick my nose. I'm gross. And I love it! I love joking around and having a good time. I like to be the person smiling despite of the rain. I like to be the happiest person you meet, and not being myself was not working for me. The only thing that works for me is to be obnoxious.

Senior year of high school one of my friends looked at me very seriously and said, "Amber, you are the weirdest person I know." A few months later I was in a class at the community college and some guy I met turned to me and said, "Amber, I have never met anyone more strange then you, and I don't intend to." About two years ago another close friend of mine turned to me and said, "Amber, you are fucking weird". Since that last comment, no one has said that I am weird. And strangely enough, that makes me sad. None of those comments were ever negative to me, they meant that I was unique and fun. I guess, they could have been criticisms, but that thought never occurred to me because I like being weird. For the last two years or so, I am been less strange. And that makes life way less fun.

So now, back to the old. Back to the good. Back to the strange.

This is the real me. This is who I have always been. And I am so glad to finally be back.